Meher Baba

In His Trust.

2012-01-21T22:17:00.000-08:00

The Trust has had a really hard time recently. There have been open emails about what members of the Baba community see as mismanagement, fraud, high-handed behaviour from those in authority, etc. In all this, I keep hearing that the Trust is not working, the Trust is in trouble, the Trust is not following Baba's direction....

Well folks, it is not the Trust that is doing all this. Please remember, the Trust is Baba's and will always be Baba's. He is the Creator and in His time, if it suits His universal work, He will be the destroyer. What people are writing about it the trustees. They are unhappy with what the trustees are doing, with how they are using donations given out of love for Meher Baba, about waste and misuse. All this is worrying, no doubt. But it is also due to the fact that trustees are human. Baba Himself said very clearly, "I am God. Remember that my Mandali is not Me." Human frailty is inherent in each of us, so before we point fingers we need to look within and ask, "Am I doing everything I can to be a good example of how His lovers live in my own life?" Who knows what I would do in a similar situation where I have unquestioned authority?

The Trustees are making an effort to put their house in order. There has been an open email sent to all Baba lovers on the mailing list about what they are doing to address the concerns of the Baba lovers all over the world. They are working on making the Trust's programmes more open and transparent and also putting in place safeguards that prevent any one person from making unilateral decisions that affect the many. It will be possible for individuals to question and to be given an answer, so that this culture of unquestioned authority will give way to a more democratic and productive environment. It will take time, strong will and the ability to do what needs to be done without worrying about who is saying what. Hopefully, He will give these trustees the strength to carry out His work in the manner that glorifies Him.

If anyone hasn't seen the open email from the Trust in response to the various challenging emails they received, please ask and I will send you a copy. The time for all of us to get involved and support any positive change is now. Jai Meher Baba.

Seclusion Hill

2012-01-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share this picture of Seclusion Hill taken by Gary last month, because it shows how beautiful the hill looks right now.

I walk up the hill every morning when I am at Meherazad, and it is my morning meditation. Once I get to the top (usually just about when the sun is rising) I bow to Baba in the sun, the water of Pimpalgaon Lake, the home at Meherazad and at His Tomb shrine at Meherabad (in the old days before pollution you could see Meherabad Hill in the distance) and say to Him, "Thank You for bringing me here today. I offer my day to You and ask only that You let me live with Your Name on my lips and Your Damaan in my hands. When my time comes let me die with Your Name on my lips and Your Damaan in my hands." I can't say when I first started saying this little prayer but it came to me and now it is a heartfelt morning greeting to Beloved Baba.

Baba must be mindful of my climbing and He has noticed that I do try to remember Him as I climb. I say this because the last couple of times when my attention drifted from Him to something else and was hooked on this intrusion, I fell! One time I scraped my knee and the other time I had a very bruised backside. He has a very effective way of drawing your attention back to what really matters, Him. I just hope He does not transfer this method of drawing my attention back to remembering Him during the rest of the day, because otherwise I am going to end up very battered and bruised with all the falls - both literal and spiritual - that come from the mind wandering indiscriminately.

Speaking of falls, Manu Jessawala fell off her perch on 19 December 2011 and got an impacted fracture of her left shoulder. She is taking a long time recovering, though given her age and her advanced osteoporosis, she is doing really well. She will be out of her sling in the next few days and slowly getting the arm mobilised again. We are planning on taking her to the Samadhi on 30 January 2012 morning to take Darshan before the crowds all arrive, Baba willing. She feels motivated to go, because she says she does not know if she will have another Amartithi to go before she goes to Baba. I think that is a wise decision, because she does seem to be moving away slowly, her mind getting more and more fuzzy about immediate happenings. When she sleeps she talks to Him out loud. That said, she is being a real trouper, bearing what must be terrible pain both in her arm and in her legs, and still keeping cheerful most of the time.

I recall what Eruch would say, "Mehera, don't get old. Old age is nothing but trouble." I agree. I have asked Baba to take me once my oldies are all gone. Maybe when I am approaching 70. Three score and ten is enough for anyone. Baba, are you listening??

Quite Contrary..

2011-09-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

This is a quick vignette about Manu (Eruch's sister) who is now 92 going on 93. Manu can be quite pernickety, and tends to moan a bit about things. Yesterday when our tea arrived at 5.50 a.m. it was not quite enough for two large mugs and it was not really hot. She complained with each sip that it was cold, it was cold..so I asked her the logical question, shall I warm it up? Oh no! Why waste gas, I'll drink it quickly. But no, each sip brought the same refrain, "It is cold tea. Why couldn't Kashinath (man-servant who makes morning tea at Meherazad) bring it hot?" So later that day I found Kashinath and told him to please bring more tea and also bring it really hot.

This morning we had a lovely pot of tea - hot and plenty of it - so I filled our mugs and there was still quite a bit left. I asked her if she wanted more when I topped up my mug, and though she said no, I put in a bit anyway. "What are you doing? Do you know how much of a problem it is for me to have too much tea? I have to keep going to the potty and peeing.." OK, no more tea for Manu. So I finish pouring all the tea into my mug, and drink it. AS I take the last sip of tea what happens? Manu pipes up, "Is there any more tea?" See what I mean by Contrary??

Manu is not unique in this. The Mandali were known to be contrary, they said one thing and then when you had done as they asked they changed and said something else. But this was not something they consciously did. Baba used to do exactly the same thing with them, and they just got down and did what He asked, no matter how many times He changed the game plan!!

Meherazad Session - 2 Aug. 2011 - Meher Baba's Enlightenment.

2011-08-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, 2 August 2011, Meherwan spoke in Mandali hall to a small and select audience. There aren't that many people around right now, so it was necessarily small!

Gary (McGill) was recording the session, and asked Meherwan to speak about how Meher Baba got enlightened. It is a story most Baba lovers are familiar with, but to hear Meherwan tell it is rather special. Here is the video, all 44 or so minutes of it.

I was thinking about what Meherwan tells me and anyone who asks, about how to best keep Baba in our daily lives. Remember Him, take His Name all the time, so that His Name becomes your weapon of offence and defence. Your sword and your shield.

I listen to the Gayatri Mantra on my morning walks. It focuses my mind and as the chant goes on, I get into a state of meditation as I walk around Meherazad. At first the music in the background is slow and soothing, and the chant is super-imposed on this music. As the chant goes past the 54th repetition (the Gayatri has to be chanted 108 times, so this is the half-way mark) you notice that the chanting is still at the same speed, but the music quickens. By the time you are at the last 20 or so repetitions, it is very fast and then suddenly the 108th repetition is upon you and there is no real warning that this is the end. The presence of the Mandali in our lives is very like that. At first their presence was suffused with a calm sense of permanence. The messages they gave were given and received with no sense of hurry. Then one by one they started to die. Now we have a very few, Bhauji and Meheru, Manu and Meherwan, left amongst us. I find Meherwan's constant insistence on remembering our Lord like the quickened music behind the Gayatri Mantra. It tells us that the time is coming when there will be no more Mandali left and suddenly the last one will be gone and we will kick ourselves for missing the chance to be with them and hear what they have to say in person.

I see so few residents (and even pilgrims) coming to Meherazad and even fewer taking advantage of the opportunity to talk with Meherwan. They are busy, but the work cannot take away from why we are really here, to be with Baba and to take in His special flavour through the medium of the last few original ones who lived their lives with and for Him. Come be here, soon the music will stop and there will be only silence. Which is as it should be, you and Baba in your own relationship with Him. Jai Baba.

My first talk at the Meher Pilgrim Centre, Meherabad - Selfish Service.

2011-08-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

I have often been asked if I'd like to speak to a group of Baba lovers in Meherabad, and have always said no, not now. Caran St John asked me a few weeks ago and I suddenly felt moved to say 'Yes, sure.' So this morning I presented myself at the MPC for 10 a.m. It was heartening to find that I had 3 video enthusiasts ready with cameras. One was my partner Gary, the other two were Judy Stephens and Biff Soper.

A few residents trickled in but the bus from the Meher Pilgrim Retreat was stuck at the railway lines, so we were bantering to and fro with the people there, whom I have known for years and am really comfortable with. Even the arrival of the bus didn't add many to the count, because Meherabad is pretty deserted right now. We started with some memories of my childhood with Baba. I had announced that I would be talking on Selfish Service and so my stories were basically sharing how I was so selfish around Baba and wanted all His attention all the time. After sharing the 'cute' stories as suggested by Heather (Nadel), I started discussing the selfishness of all who come to Meherabad to 'serve'. Selfless service is, in my opinion, only possible when one is God-realised, because until then we cannot totally eliminate 'self' from even the most 'selfless' actions.

Since the group was mainly composed of residents, they were able to share their thoughts on my statement, and we had a great discussion about what Baba would have thought and how He would like us to act. To say we come to be of service to Beloved Baba is ridiculous. He once told someone, "Don't think you are obliging Me by serving Me. It is I who am obliging you by allowing you to serve." How much clearer can He get? And yet, a lot of people come here and get so embroiled in the work, become territorial and protective of their little spheres of influence, become unhappy when new blood threatens old status quo that they forget why they came here in the first place. Baba takes a back seat to their egos and they become 'someone'. As I told the folks there, I was really blessed. Baba made me averse to work, so I have no problems handing any tasks over. I was going to say 'lazy' but that is not strictly true. I am not lazy as such. Merely averse to work!!

The talk ended after an active discussion and we all had a great time. I am glad that I did this, because it was fun and it helped me reconnect with some residents whom I had lost touch with. Maybe I shall do another one sometime. Jai Baba.

Madhusudhan remembered..

2011-07-31T02:58:00.000-07:00

Today in Mandali Hall we didn't have a film as is the usual practice on Sundays. So we had Meherwan in the Hall and he was telling stories. An American Baba lover asked about Madhusudan, Baba's song-writer and singer. Madhusudan was very dear to Baba, his songs made Beloved Baba happy and He often asked him to compose a song for a specific occasion. After Baba dropped the body Madhusudan suddenly broke off all contact with Baba-lovers, took down all His pictures and cut Baba out of his life.

Madhusudan and his wife Subhadra were married by Beloved Baba Himself. This was the only marriage He performed personally and Baba asked for a song to be composed for the day. The song was duly composed and sung - 'Prabhu main charanan chod naa jaaoo' Lord may I never leave Your feet and go away - and Baba had him sing the song three times on his wedding day, then had Eruch tell Madhusudan,"Remember, don't leave My feet ever."

In 1991 Madhusudan suddenly reappeared, and when he spoke with Bal Natu said, "I left Him, but He never left me, I am so fortunate." He once again became a part of the Baba community in Pune, and died a couple of years ago. The American wanted to know what had happened and why. Just as we were telling some recollections of Madhusudan, Narendra Thade and his family and friends walked in, some of whom were related to Madhusudan. They took over the story and shared what they knew. Then they asked to sing some bhajans. Imagine our delight when they sang 4 favourites, ending with the Hindi Arti, 'Jahan Kalpana, Shabd Naa Pahunchey' Where the imagination and word cannot reach.. No word, no thought nor our most profound imaginings can reach His Divine Limitlessness....

Madhusudan, we salute your love for your Beloved, and we will always have you with us in your lovely songs. Whenever they are sung your name will be sung along with His name. A friend who was with him near the time Madhusudan died told us this today. Shortly before he died his friend asked him how he felt about Baba now. Madhusudan said, "He is everything, He is all. What else is there?" Jai ho, Jai ho, Jai ho Madhusudan, as our dear Bhauji would say.

Katie Irani

2011-05-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today is Katie Irani's death anniversary. We at Meherazad remembered Katie by arranging a lunch of aamras (alphonso mango pulp), spicy potatoes and puris (little fried wheat breads) which was the last meal she asked for before she went to Baba. At Baba's dining table were a group of women who had been with Katie and remembered her and loved her. We all ate a wonderful meal and then we talked of Katie. Stories were shared and everyone could relate to each other's remembrances.

Here are a few of the stories shared:

Dolly Dastur spoke about how Katie was very particular not to waste anything, and this was because Baba had impressed on them that everything was precious, Baba's lovers gave money and they couldn't waste even a paisa of this gift. When the ladies needed even the smallest thing - a needle, some elastic, pins - the list would be given to Baba first and He would then cross out things that He didn't deem necessary. Dolly also spoke about Katie and her working at the Japanese Consulate in Mumbai, where later she got Dolly a job. Katie used to play ping pong (table tennis) with the Consul General. At first he was not very good, and she trounced him regularly, which made him very cross. But as the days went on, he was getting better rapidly, and she found out that the reason was that he made his wife play with him after the office closed, so that he could win against Katie. It was because of her association with the Japanese Consulate that Falu called Katie Katie-san, which is a Japanese form of respect.

Shelley shared reminisces of the last days, when Katie could not eat nor barely speak. She had asked Shelley to do three things for her once she passed on - colour in her eyebrows (Katie had white eyebrows and she coloured them in with pencil, often inaccurately!), put on her lipstick and put on socks on her feet which Katie thought were ugly and disfigured, and didn't want anyone to see when they came to pay their last respects. A few days before she died, Terry Adams came to see Katie and treated her to a 'spa' day, with manicure, pedicure, etc. and so Katie had painted nails when she went to Baba! Shelley also said that though she had become very thin her stomach was still protruding and when she laughed it would jump up and down. She never lost her sense of humour and even at the end she would laugh at a memory of a scene from 'Keeping up Appearances' (a British TV sitcom about a snobbish housewife). We all remembered her addiction to 'The Bold and the Beautiful', which she watched religiously for years and years. One day towards the very end, she was being helped to pass a stool, and Shelley reminded her that Baba would call this "Throwing out the Chinese", when He went to the toilet. Was Katie doing the same for Al-Quaeda who were at the time attacking Quetta, her hometown? Katie's stomach bobbed up and down, and she gasped "CNN!" She wanted to see if the Al-Quaeda were being thrown out!!

Davana spoke of her time working in the dispensary with both sisters, Katie and Goher, and the different instructions they would each give, often contradictory to the other. Katie was very frugal, having lived with Baba in the Ashram, but Goher had never had to undergo the hardships because she was away at medical school, so she was very generous with everything, and the sisters often clashed on how 'stingy' or 'wasteful' each was!

I shared stories of how Eruch, Aloba, Meherwan, Falu and the other men would tease Katie. Every evening Katie would come around to the men's side on her 'Duckie' - the electric chair that she used to get around - and ask how the meal was. Falu would always complain that there was no meat, and she would shout at him, "You ungrateful boy, where shall I get the meat? Shall I cut it out from my arms, my thighs? Why can't you say 'Thank you Katie san' just once?" They would also deliberately praise my cooking and say how good my cutlets were, which always made Katie complain that she had worked herself into the ground all these years only for them to praise this 'chokree' (girl)who had just arrived! This teasing Katie and her rising to the bait was a daily occurrence and all looked forward to it with great relish.

So we ate good food and talked of our Katie; cook, singer, actress, author, world-traveller and lover of Baba extraordinaire. Her love for her Beloved Baba shone through always, and after lunch we heard her singing Baba's poems and Arti and everyone, even the kitchen help, smiled with love and fond remembrance, missing our sweetie. She was Baba's 'perfect girs', whom he had wanted to take to the West with Him. Had her mother not refused permission, Katie would have gone with Him to Europe, England and the USA. Now she has gone home to Him, and we will always remember...

Amartithi - The Joys and Un-joys of The Day!!

2011-01-31T09:32:00.000-08:00

Amartithi dawned - Meherwan called us to look at the sunrise - a huge fireball of glowing orange rising outside his bedroom window. It was a special treat for him, because to see the sun rise at Meherazad you have to climb Seclusion Hill a lot earlier than his usual walk time of 7.30 a.m.

We all had a family breakfast and then my sister Dolly took first Mum and then Dad up the hill on her scooter. Meherwan and I walked up via Eruch and the men Mandali's graves and Dhuni, arriving a bit later than mum but before Dolly returned with Dad. The morning programmes were lovingly presented and people did over-run their allotted times, but this is not a new phenomenon. Bhauji wasn't there so we didn't have a long speech but we had his long message translated into several languages! Then Mehernath Kalchuri started on what I thought was going to be a report of the AMBPPCT projects for 2010, but no..he was more interested in quoting poetry in Urdu and Hindi, rambling on about this and that and all this when he knew full well that we still had Begin the Beguine and the all-important Meher Dhun - the song of His Name that everyone looks forward to before the silence starts at 12.00 noon - to come. He stopped (reluctantly) at 11.45 a.m. and then Mr Thade (who has to be the worst time manager and organiser I've seen in a long time) dropped a bombshell!! No Begin the Beguine and NO MEHER DHUN!!! People had been coming to the stage in anticipation and there was a collective shout of "NO". But to no avail, we had to forego this loved and cherished song to listen to the Nagar Centre sing in chorus a song that could have been performed any time at all. Nothing special about it, except it was very, very long. All around I heard people complaining that the song wasn't important, the Dhun was. A big lapse on the part of the stage managers. Then, because they must have heard all the shouts of disappointment, they gave the Meher Dhun 3 minutes after the Silence ended (which it did a whole minute before 12.15 p.m.). This was followed by (change again) The Universal Prayer in English, Telugu, Hindi, Gujarati, Sanskrit, Marathi, Punjabi, Persian. We didn't have the Repentance Prayer (because we have nothing to repent for, I guess) and Beloved God. We did have Artis in several languages too!! How strange it was to see all this confusion, the one time in 42 years that Bhauji was not present on stage.

People were totally fed up by that time. It was getting on for nearly 1.30 p.m. and people needed to eat, take a comfort break, move around.. we had been sitting in the first row since 9 that morning and Meherwan and my Dad were acutely uncomfortable as were many others around us. The rush to the toilets and food stalls is testimony to this. Beloved Baba's prayers need to be said with total concentration and the first couple of ones were, but then people started to get up and wander away, and I can't blame them. We finally arrived home at 2.00 p.m. and had a very late lunch and a brief rest.

The evening programme was delightful, though. When we arrived at around 5.00 p.m. the Irani group were in great voice. Bhajans in Marathi followed. Then there were several dances by very talented young ones. They danced with their hearts and gave their all to entertain their Beloved Baba. The stage rang out with tunes ranging from Lavni music from Maharashtra to Sufi music to classical Bharat Natyam and Bollywood Disco. The crowd loved the young artistes and clapped along and cheered them with loud "Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai" when they finished.

The Baba film started around 7.15 p.m. and it was magical to see Baba on a large screen, gesturing and walking and enjoying His lovers' company. I must admit, I get moist-eyed every year when the film comes on. The crowd was proclaiming His Jai at intervals. First one group on one side would roar, then another somewhere else. Baba is ever-present, but seeing His films makes those of us who were fortunate enough to be in His physical presence remember His wondrous beauty, and those who weren't get to see how spectacular our Beloved was in His physical form.

Meherwan had to return to Meherazad after the film, so we made our way to the car that was to take him back and all got a ride to the house. After a quick meal of scrambled eggs and toast, the rest have gone to sleep and I am sitting here writing this while it is still fresh and glowing in my heart. I wish you all a wonderful Amartithi and may His Love lift you ever-closer to Him.

Remembering 3 handkerchiefs..

2011-01-29T22:54:00.000-08:00

Mani S Irani's 1962 diaries are being put on Tavern Talk and I have the pleasure(?) of translating the Gujerati writing along with Meherwan Jessawala. I was particularly delighted with this snippet which shows Baba's divine and human sides so clearly.

Baba gestures "I am able to control and remember everything in the Tri-Bhuvan (three worlds) but minding these three handkerchiefs and remembering where they are is a headache." The God side of the God-man can keep an eye on and remember everything in Creation and beyond, but the Man side gets a headache from just having to mind His three handkerchiefs!! Such a Beloved, such wonderful grace to be able to recognise Him in this Advent. Jai Baba.

Manu Jessawala comes to Meherabad after several years' absence..

2011-01-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

Manu Jessawala, Eruch's sister, is now nearly 93. She hadn't been to Meherabad even when it is relatively quiet for several years now. In fact, the last time I recall her coming for Baba's Darshan at His Tomb was the year after Eruch died, which would make it 5 years since she was last here.

We were discussing her coming for Amartithi, on 30th January and just taking Darshan and leaving right away. At first she was reluctant, saying that she would come for her birthday in May. Then Meheru visited her, told her that she should go because it was no use putting off taking His Darshan at the Tomb, and we all encouraged her. After thinking on it for a bit, she said that it was better she came now, because she may not be around at her birthday and Meherwan Dubash had assured her that he would help out with the arrangements.

So she came! With Michael Ramsden driving her, Camilla, Meherwan, Davana and later my dad who joined at the Dhuni, she was taken in a wheelchair to the Tomb where she took a long Darshan and then on to the Gadi where she again bowed down. We tried to persuade her to eat a masala dosa at the South Indian Food Stall but she refused, wanting to go back to Meherazad as soon as possible. I will add a video of the visit later, because I need Gary here to put it online for me!

We are all so happy that Baba allowed Manu to come (inspite of a fall she had just 5 days ago) and that she was able to be in His presence at the Tomb, instead of in her room as she usually is these days. Jai Baba.

I begin my prayer by invoking the name of Yezad...

2010-11-23T02:05:00.000-08:00

Many of you have been at morning Arti at the Samadhi when my mum Roshan Kerawalla sings the Zoroastrian prayer, Panaamey Yezdaan. Since her heart surgery mum can't get to the Samadhi on her own steam so she takes the chance of getting up there when my sister Dolly comes to stay. And when she is up there she sings this prayer. It is a beautiful prayer which Baba said was the only part of the Zoroastrian scriptures carried down just as it was when the prophet Zoroaster (or Zarthustra, to give Him His correct name) sang it all those centuries ago. It is part of the group of prayers called Khorshed Ni Yaaz from the Khordeh Avestha.

Baba sent Kohiyaar Satarawala to Pune to Bindra House, where my mum lived with Eruch's mum and family at the time, and Kohiyaar taught them the correct way of singing - learning the right breathing technique, enunciation, tune - and once they had learned it correctly, they used to sing this prayer for Him whenever He asked them to. We also learned to sing it as children, and can still sing it today!!

Mum is getting older and she may not be able to sing it much longer, because she says her breathing control is not what it used to be. I thought it would be a good thing to get it on video so we can continue to listen to her in the future.

The translation of this prayer is as follows:

I begin my prayer by invoking the name of Yezad, O lord of creation Ahuramazda.
Thou who art the source of all light and thou who art all effulgence, and all knowing,
art the lord of lords, the king of kings, the creator of all creation, the preserver and sustainer.

O Omnipotent, O the Ancient One and Eternal. Thou who art the giver of all boons, Thou who art all mercy and wisdom and the source of all purity.
O the lord of creation Ahuramazda I invoke Thy name and ask for Thy blessings, let Thy will be done and Thy justice be administered, O Lord Ahuramazda.

Papa Jessawala's love and sacrifice were the greatest - Meher Baba.

2010-11-10T00:08:00.000-08:00

Byramshaw Jessawala, Eruch's father, was not a spiritually inclined man. He enjoyed luxurious homes, good food, gardening, the status and prestige of his position as a Boiler Inspector and most of all, he loved his car.

When his wife Gai brought the family to Baba through His meeting with the Satha clan in Meherabad, he didn't particularly want to be with Baba. He was a devout Parsi, and really didn't want anything to change. However, his wife and children were totally in love with and devoted to Baba so he began to come with them. His love of his family brought him to Baba and he gradually learned to first resepct and then love Baba.

When Baba asked them to sell everything and come to Him, Eruch had to sell their palatial bungalow in Nagpur and all it's contents in a big hurry. Taking advantage of this, a Parsi couple called the Pochas bought it for less than a third of its value, and not only that, they even didn't give the full price they had agreed on. The property was worth Rs. 100,000/- or more in those days, but they agreed to pay only Rs. 35,000/- and finally said they only had Rs. 30,000/- which Eruch reluctantly accepted.

Many years later the wife came to Poona, to Bindra House where the family was living. She came to apologise and said, "What my husband and I did was wrong, and we knew it. We took advantage of your circumstances and bought your home for much less than it was worth. But we never really had any joy living in it." When asked to elaborate she said, "As soon as we moved in, I began to see your Meher Baba everywhere in the house, it really scared me, and I could not sleep or relax in the house." Gaimai was so shocked, and commented on how fortunate she was, that Baba had come to them in their old home. Not seeing it quite like that, the woman said that she would like to offer them the difference between the agreed price and the price paid, though they had sold the house a while ago for a lot of money. Papa refused, saying "We have everything we need, thanks to Meher Baba. Please give the money to a good cause." This was a big change in Papa's nature.

When Papa died in 1959, Baba had Eruch drive behind the funeral procession taking him to the Tower of Silence, and during that drive He said of Papa, "His sacrifice and love were greater than all of you. You all came to the spiritual life naturally, he came to it for your sake, and eventually for Mine." A loving salute to a great lover from the One and Only Beloved! Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai!

Snippets

2010-11-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when we are walking, Meherwan will talk about something that is just a snippet of information about our Beloved's human side. Today he shared two such snippets:

Port wine : Baba enjoyed the taste of port wine, and used to partake of a sip or two, but He had a very low tolerance for alcohol, and Meherwan says that He'd go bright red after just a small sip!! So the Divine Saki could not tolerate alcohol Himself!

Swimming : Baba could not swim. Or perhaps He would not swim! He hadn't ever learned, so He used to say. One day Dr Hoshang Bharucha remarked, "Baba, You are always telling us to dive deep and swim in the Ocean of Love, but You can't swim?" Baba immediately quipped, "How can I? I am the Ocean, so what need would the Ocean have to swim?" However, His inability to swim had resulted in Eruch's saving Him from going under once, the story of which event I've told in an earlier post.

Chutney : Baba loved green chutney made from fresh coriander, coconut, garlic, ginger, sugar, salt and lemon juice with His dall and rice. He would eat this simple meal with great enthusiasm, and often would show His sign of pleasure, the circling of thumb and forefinger, with the other three fingers held up, and a loving twinkle in His eyes.

To make this chutney you will need a whole bunch of fresh coriander leaves cleaned but with the tender stalks kept on, a fresh whole coconut, 5-6 cloves of garlic, an inch of fresh root ginger, a large pinch of turmeric, some curry leaves, salt and sugar to taste and the juice of a full lime, or more if you like it tart. First grate the coconut and grind with the curry leaves, coriander, garlic, ginger and turmeric. Then add the sugar and salt and grind again. The chutney should be a fine paste. For Baba, we would grind the ingredients on a stone "paata" with another stone called the "varoota" crushing the stuff from the top. You can use a blender, but don't put in too much water, as the chutney has to be thick and paste-like, not syrupy. IF you like chilli-hot, add as many chillies as you can stand to the mix when grinding. This is also fantastic spread on bread as a sandwich, or with other dishes.

Memorial Tower

2010-11-08T02:54:00.000-08:00

This is finally going to be built. I heard that Ted Judson has gone to Agra to buy the marble to build this 56' high tower. The tower will be inscribed with the message that Baba gave and the names of His lovers whom He had listed and offered a rose for each one, all of them dead before Beloved Baba dropped His Body.

There will be no additions. It is a closed list, and no exception will be made. Once, when Bhauji broached the subject of adding the names of close families, like the Jessawala family to Eruch, Eruch's emphatic and immediate reply was, "No, not our family. Ever." This means that the Mandali as we knew them will not be named on the memorial tower, nor will His family or the families that were close to Him. However, the message talks of lovers gone and those to come, so we are all there, in His heart, and in the palm of His hand.

Eruch...A post I had forgotten to publish, just a memory of him talking in Mandali Hall.

2010-11-08T02:44:00.000-08:00

About love.

2010-11-08T02:42:00.000-08:00

"Don't be angry if someone does not love you the way you want, remember that they are loving you the best way they can."

I read these lines in a book recently, and they made a profound impression on me. I am very often guilty of being upset and angry because someone has been offhand, curt, unavailable or just plain elusive. In my heart I equate it with a lack of love and caring. These feelings have been the cause of a lot of hurt and pain. Reading these lines it was as if a light had come on inside me, and I realized that it is true. People love you the best way they can. Not everyone has the capacity to love you a lot, someone may have been given a very little amount of love for you. And that is the best they can do. You know what I mean, you have very little love for some of the people you know, right??

When you examine any of your relationships with this statement as the benchmark, things improve drastically. You begin to see the limitations and the stresses others face, and you begin to make allowances for them, and slowly release your anger, resentment, hurt, and grief. Just think, how pale a shadow is our love for Baba in comparison to His love for us? If He got angry because we don't love Him the way He wants us to, creation would cease to exist!!! But He is happy with our love, because He knows we are loving Him the best way we can. Big hugs in Him, Jai Baba!

Footsteps of Gautama the Buddha

2010-11-08T02:24:00.000-08:00

I am reading this book written by Marie Beuzeville Byles. If you haven't read it, do so. It brings home the lesson of going beyond our attachments, and the various 'forms' we create to fool ourselves that this illusory world is real, that the whole universe is nothing but a creation of God's imagination.

It is addictive, and you can't stop reading one story after another. What impresses me the descriptions of the Master's face and form. It reminds me of how Beloved Baba looked - radiant, larger than life, resplendent. Baba's presence was serene, but He had times of great mischief and hilarity.
The Buddha has a subtle sense of humour, but He does not want His followers to laugh out loud, rather to smile without showing their teeth!! I would find this difficult, but I guess the Master's presence helped them obey, just as Baba's presence made obedience to His orders easier.

For those amongst us who would like to see more of the role of women in the Buddha's lifetime, this is also a good book because it talks about the Ordained Nuns, and their lives with the Buddha, their status and their struggles.

Mookaa Baba - The Baba that didn't speak.

2010-11-08T02:19:00.000-08:00

Mookaa Baba was a resident of Nagpur, where the Jessawalas lived when they first came to Baba. He was called Mookaa Baba by the townspeople because he would not talk to them. He was a tall and very imposing figure, and he went about stark naked.

He would come to Gaimai's house and once there he would talk to the family, giving them instructions on how to ready a bath for him, to rub him with ghee (clarified butter) then make his food, etc. Manu once asked him, "Baba, the townspeople call you Mookaa Baba, they think you can't or don't speak, but you talk to us, why?" He replied, "You are of my family, and I am happy when I am with you all, that is why I talk to you."

Now Behramshaw Papa (Papa Jessawala) didn't like Mookaa Baba coming to their house, treating it as his own and 'lording' it over the family and servants. He complained non-stop about this naked and 'dirty' fellow, and even told Mookaa Baba to go away. In reply he was told, "This is my house, and I will come here whenever I want." Papa always told Gaimai that she was being bamboozled, but Gaimai insisted that this was a spiritually advanced soul. However, an incident convinced Papa that he was wrong. This is what happened.

One day Mookaa Baba was as usual there, and water was being made hot for his bath, when Papa rushed out on his way to work and called to Manu for a cup of coffee. Now, it was a hot summer day, and the milk had turned. Manu went off to make the coffee, when Mookaa Baba laconically said to Papa, "Old man, what are you ordering that girl to make coffee for? Don't you know that the milk has split? There will be no coffee." So when Manu came back nervously to tell Papa there could be no coffee, he asked her if it was because the milk had split. She said, "Yes, Papa." After this Papa made no further comments about the visits.

After a while Beloved Baba came to visit, and on seeing Him, Mookaa Baba said, "He and I are one." Mookaa Baba continued to visit while the family lived in Nagpur. He would come for his meals to the house and tell them that when he ate, Baba was being fed, because he was one with Baba. Years later, when Eruch was writing God Speaks, the subject came up and Baba confirmed that Mookaa Baba was a realised soul.

Guruprasad..

2010-11-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

Guruprasad, 'the gift of the Master', was a palatial residence in Pune, near the Bund Gardens, where Beloved Baba spent His summers. This is the story of how Guruprasad came to be used by Baba, as narrated by Meherwan Jessawala.

Baba had been in strict seclusion, and His Universal Work was totally wearying Him out. It was summer, and He one day came out of His room in Meherazad saying to Eruch and His other Mandali, "I really feel like giving up all this Universal Work, and going away. I need to rest." He then instructed that a large bungalow or similar be found in Poona (as it was then called) for a month so that He and the women and men Mandali could go stay there. Adi K Irani was summoned and told to go to Poona and search for a suitable place along with Meherwan Jessawala.

Meherwan says, Adi and he decided it would be best to go in separate directions, and so he took his cycle and went along the Bund Garden Road, while Adi went to the Salisbury Park side of town. Cycling along looking for residences that were closed up, Meherwan saw a large set of gates, and beyond them a huge house, white and grand. He decided to go inside and see if he could find out more, so going to the gates he shouted and shouted for someone to let him in. When he got no response, he parked his cycle and climbed over the railings which were steel posts with pointed tips, and somehow managed to jump into the large gardens. Walking up the grand driveway, he thought how great it would be if Baba could get this place to live in for a month.

As he got to the porch, he again shouted, but no one came, so he went up the steps and pushed at the door, which opened, and he entered. Again he shouted, and finally a door opened to the side. A man came out and started berating Meherwan, asking how he had come in, and how he dared to break into someone's home like that. Meherwan tried to explain, but the man threatened him with the police and scolded him, saying "You look like a responsible and well-bred boy, why have you done this criminal thing?" Finally Meherwan left, disappointed.

Adi meanwhile had found a school friend of his, who told him of another of their school friends who was a builder, and who would surely have something for Baba! So they went to see this man, and sure enough, he had just renovated a large house in Salisbury Park, with a swimming pool and all mod cons. The owners didn't want it for the present, they wanted to move in in a month's time. And the friend didn't want any money for it!! He was happy for Adi to use it for Baba. They shook hands and Adi was told "Come to my house tomorrow morning for the keys". Accordingly, the next morning Meherwan and Adi went to the friend's house, and Adi asked Meherwan to wait while he went and got the keys. They had already sent a telegram to Baba to say a house had been found, so all that remained was for the keys to be got, and Baba to move in! After a long wait, and much loud arguments and shouting, Adi came out, without keys..and told Meherwan they were going, he was fed up. Turns out, the father of the builder had come and being against Meher Baba, told his son that if he let Baba use the house, he'd never see his face again. Adi argued that he had given his word, and should keep it, but the man refused.

What to do? Another telegram was sent to Baba, saying the house has fallen through, but a reply came right away, saying Baba didn't care, He and the Mandali would be there on a date shortly after. This was not good news. A close Baba lover, Digamber, came to know of this predicament, and said he knew a Sardar Raste, who had contacts with some of the old-time royal families.

Digamber came back with a message to say that Sardar Raste had heard of Baba and was happy to help. There was a residence, belonging to the Maharani of Baroda, who was a close friend of a relative of his, and they could go see it and if it was suitable, he would arrange with the Maharani for Baba to use it. They went in Sardar Raste's car, and where did he take them? To that same place that Meherwan had been thrown out of!!! This time the driver honked his horn, and the gates were opened by the same man who had evicted Meherwan. He bent down and bowing, waved the car in. Then he ran after the car, opened the doors and still bowing low, welcomed the group in. He saw Meherwan there, and did a double take, but said nothing.
Meherwan says that he could not suppress a tingle of "Who is the big man now!" at the sight of this guy being so subservient to them all! Anyway, the house was deemed perfect, and a telegram sent to the Maharani. She replied that it would be fine for Baba to use the place.

The Maharani was at the time a very unhappy woman (long story, another time!) and she did come to see Baba and ended up becoming His devoted lover. Guruprasad became Baba's residence for the summers after that, until 1968, when He stayed there, but in seclusion. Guruprasad became the ultimate Prasad from Baba to the Maharani, because God allowed her to serve Him by providing Him with a place for his rest in the summers. Jai Baba!!

Mani Damania's story.

2010-11-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

While our generation is very sparse, and the one after even sparser, my grandparents came from a large family and one of them, Shirin Damania had a lot of kids - 5 sons and 2 daughters (survived to adulthood, that is). One of them, Rusi Damania, married very late, and this is the story of his wife, Mani.

Mani came from a very devout family living in Navsari, the anti-Meher Baba capital of India around 1967-68. When her parents received the proposal for her to wed my uncle (2nd cousin, actually) Rusi, they were very put off by the fact that Rusi's family was one that followed Meher Baba. However, Rusi lived in Rahuri, manager in a sugar factory there, and so was away from the direct influence of Meher Baba who lived in Ahmednagar. There were many stories about Baba floating around Navsari. One was that He mesmerised young girls and had His way with them. The other was that all His followers had to hand over their monthly pay packets to Him, and He'd dole out enough for them to live on. It was how Baba made His money, apparently!! There were so many stories, and Mani was very nervous.

On this side, however, Baba had got Eruch to write to the family that this was not a girl to let go of, and that if her family agreed, the marriage should be arranged with the utmost speed. And that she would add value to the family as perfume adds value to gold (actual Gujarati saying, "Soonaa maa suhaagu laagsey!) and that Baba totally approved. Armed with Baba's approval, the marriage was arranged and they married and went to live in Rahuri. Mani says, Rusi came from a family of close Baba lovers, but he did not believe in Baba himself. Infact, he'd mock his aunts and uncles for following Baba, which made him very acceptable to Mani's family in Navsari.

While living in Rahuri in late 1968, Mani received a postcard from Pilu Satha (brother to Gaimai, Eruch's mum and other various siblings from the Satha clan) saying she should come straight away to Nagar, Baba wanted to meet her. Her husband Rusi said "Don't go if you don't want to. I'll make some excuse." But Mani thought she'd have to go eventually so better get the visit out of the way. Accordingly she went to Nagar, and on the appointed day she and Pilu went to Meherazad.

Now Mani had been told that Baba should never be looked at directly in case He mesmerised her, nor should she go near Him or touch Him, to avoid being 'snared' into His circle of followers. So she did not go near Baba, rather tried to stay as far as possible. However, Baba called her and Pilu pushed her near to Him. She still refused to look at Baba directly, and merely stood with her head bowed. Baba asked her to bend down and put His hand on her head, then she was asked to sit near by. She did, and forgetting her instructions, she looked at Baba full-on. She remembers thinking, "You are just a man, you are not God or anything like that, I'm not afraid of you." before she recalled about not looking at Him. After that she turned sideways and sat. There was a young boy present, and Baba asked him, "Am I a man or am I God?" He unhesitatingly replied, "You are God, Baba." Baba asked, "Are you speaking from the heart or just saying this?" and he emphatically said, "I speak from my deepest heart, Baba." Mani still did not co-relate this exchange to her own thoughts, and soon after that Baba told them all to leave.

Narrating this, Mani has tears in her eyes. She cannot believe that she didn't take the chance to make the most out of her one visit with Baba. Her life since then has been spent with the Jessawala and Kerawala families and the Sathas, and she has had many opportunities to learn of Baba's Avataric status. She is a regular care-giver for Manu Jessawala at Meherazad, and loves Baba dearly. When asked when she started to accept Baba as God, she says, it took her a long time. Her husband Rusi died in 1978 and just before he died, he was in hospital with cancer of the liver.
He was in a sort of coma, but his pain was so intense, he would get up and try to shed his pyjamas and clothes, the burning must have been so intense. Mani wanted to nurse him, but wasn't sure that she could take this kind of agony, so she challenged Baba. "If you are God, mind that I don't believe you are, but if you are, you will stop Rusi's agony and make him calm." Mani says, shortly after that he calmed down and quietly passed away. Baba gave her many signs, and today her sons are grown up and doing very well, and she thanks Beloved Baba for all the blessings she has known, but she still bitterly regrets that she didn't take the chance to look at His face and touch His feet when He called her to visit Him.

The power of His Name.

2010-09-02T03:11:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are coming to Meherazad and asking Meherwan and my dad Sam about how to deal with depression, anxiety, difficult circumstances, life in all it's really upsetting forms. Again and again they tell them, "Repeat Baba's Name." The power of His Name is greater than Baba Himself. "Tu Meri Zikrr mein toe Main teri fikrr mein." If you spend your time in My Zikrr (discussion - talking to and about the Lord, remembering Him constantly) then I must spend my time in fikrr (concern, worry) for you.
So He promised when He came as Mohammed, and so He again promised us this time around. "Don't worry, be happy. I love you more than you can ever love yourself." Is that a promise or what?? Who else has ever promised you anything even close?

I find that I am a lot happier handing it over to Baba and letting Him take over. Even stuff that would have scared me shitless a while ago seems to have lost it's power to worry me. Hey, delegation is my biggest strength, and who better to delegate to than Baba? Nobody does it better, as the song says! So Baba, here's to Your Will being done, and no, I really don't want Your Will to be my will!

Be careful what you ask a Perfect Master for...

2010-08-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Manu, Meherwan and I were sitting on the verandah at Meherazad last evening and talking about what is happening in the world today. Manu said that Baba once told them "Such things will happen in this world, you will be left holding your fingers between your teeth." This is a colloquial Gujerati saying "Daat maa anglaa pakdee rahee jasso." She said that she would never have believed that a man could change his sex and become a woman, but I had just told her the night before of my friend's son who had done just that.

Meherwan commented that this was because of unspent sanskaras of the opposite gender being carried forward to this lifetime. I asked him about "hijras" or hermaphrodites who are common in India because they actually adopt any child born with hermaphrodite characteristics. At that Meherwan mentioned that there was a Perfect Master who was a hijra. Baba had told the Mandali the story and Eruch used to tell it sometimes. I hadn't heard the story so I asked Meherwan to repeat it. Here is what he said..

There was a Perfect Master in Ajmer (which is the town where there is the tomb of the Sufi Master Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti) who was a hijra. Though he was of a community much shunned, because of Who he was, people started to come to him. Eruch used to say that just like the fragrance of a rose garden is impossible to conceal so is the fragrance of a Perfect One. People followed him in large numbers. However, he did have his sceptics and detractors who used to follow him around and make fun of him.

One day a few young men decided to test the Master and so one dressed up as a woman and another pretended to be her husband. They went to where the Master was giving an audience and when it was their turn to bow to him, they asked him for the boon of a child to bless their marriage. The Master looked at them both long and hard and asked them to reconsider. "Are you sure that this is what you want?" he asked them. When they insisted, he gave them his blessings. Off they went, and no sooner were they out of his sight, they fell about laughing. How they had fooled that so-called Master!!
And they spread the story about and people who had previously respected the Master began doubting him. There was much ridicule going on, but the Master took no notice. To him it was all the same. He neither wanted their worship nor cared if he was ridiculed.

After three months, the young man who had dressed up as a woman started noticing that his stomach was becoming distended, and his breasts were getting fuller. He really was expecting a baby!! Soon the condition could not be hidden from the townspeople and they began to say how powerful the Master was that he could make a man bear a child. The Master remained untouched by the new-found faith in his powers just as he had been untouched by the jeers and criticisms. The young men realized whom they had messed with and tried to go to the Master to apologise and ask him to reverse his blessing. However, the Master now avoided them all, until one day the young men finally saw him, begged his forgiveness and he relented and took the child away..

Not really related to the expiation of male/female sanskaras, but as Meherwan said, a Perfect Master can be anyone, and sometimes they will choose an incarnation like that one, to help these gender-confused souls.

Vishnu Master

2010-08-03T03:54:00.000-07:00

The current edition of the Trust's newsletter has an article about Vishnu Deorukhkar (Vishnu Master, as he was known to all), and it reminded me of my memory of him. Vishnu Master would be sent to Poona by Baba to do shopping or errands for Baba or the Mandali. When he was there he would come and visit Gaimai and the family in Bindra House. He invariably would come early in the morning when we were having breakfast. In those days we used to have a pot of fresh cream on the table daily, and a couple of tablespoons would be poured on a Karak Chappati (stale chappati that has been roasted on a coal fire until really crisp), sprinkled with sugar and eaten for breakfast.

Vishnu Master loved cream. He didn't take a couple of tablespoons, he would take the whole bowl and eat it all! I remember telling Gaili (as I used to call Gaimai), "That old man has come again. Quick, hide the cream or he will eat it all!" Gaimai would always tell me to be more giving and let him eat it all, I could always have some the next day. Not a satisfactory suggestion at all.

How the British came to have an empire: An explanation by Upasni Maharaj.

2010-08-03T03:43:00.000-07:00

On the walk today the talk started with Baba and the Masts, which brought a mention from Meherwan about the Wayfarers, the splendid book about Baba's Mast tours written by William Donkin. He was saying how meticulous Donkin was, that Ward Parks said that the book is perfect, there is no error or typo, no grammatical mistake. Donkin had not been on any of the actual trips but was present when Baba would make Eruch or Kaka or Baidul relate the stories of the searches for His Masts and what happened. He was so entranced by these stories that he asked Baba to ensure that they were recorded for posterity. Baba turned the request back on him and said that Donkin was the one who should do the writing. Donkin took on this mammoth task, but it wasn't easy. He would pester the Mandali for their recollections, but they had work to do and were constantly getting irritated with him. Even so, he did get the stories and set them down. He then travelled around taking the routes Baba had taken with His Mandali and ensured that the facts were correct. When I mentioned that this was probably because he was a Brit from the old school, Meherwan agreed.

He quoted the saying "The sun never sets on the British Empire" and I countered by saying that the new version is "The sun rarely rises on the British Empire!". Sally Pearson was also walking with us, and Meherwan asked us if we knew why the British had been able to build an empire in the first place. Since we did not know he told us the following story:

Upasni Maharaj said one day that the origins of the British Empire are in the advent of Lord Ram. The British are descendants of a monkey who was a soldier in Ram's army when He defeated Ravan and got His wife Sita back.

The story goes that Hanuman who was Ram's most ardent and devoted disciple came with his army of monkeys to fight on the Lord's side against Ravan. Then, as is the case with Meherwan's stories, we had another tale within the tale.. how did Ram's army cross the strait between India and Lanka (now Srilanka) and win the war? There were no boats and the seas were too rough and deep to swim across. What to do? Hanuman suggested that they build a bridge. He got all his monkeys to collect huge rocks and stack them up by the seashore. Then he called his Lord and asked Ram to drop the rocks into the water. Ram did as Hanuman asked, but each rock sank! Hanuman got really agitated and said, "Lord, you are not doing this the right way, let me show you." Ram moved aside and Hanuman picked up the first rock, wrote Ram's name on it and dropped it into the sea. Wonder of wonders, the rock floated!!! So he painstakingly wrote the Lord's name on each rock and soon there was a floating bridge spanning the straits between India and Lanka, the army crossed and a huge battle ensued, which was eventually won by the forces of good. This shows that the Name of the Lord is more powerful than the Lord Himself, and Baba used to use this story to remind His lovers to take His name constantly so that the power of His name would take them across the sea of illusion to God-realization.

Now back to the original story.. After the battle the troops had only one request, that Sita cook a meal with her own hands and feed the army, Ram giving out the food as Prasad. Ram accepted, but had a condition of His own. He said that once each had eaten he should bathe in the ocean and depart for his home. All agreed, the feast was cooked and distributed by the Lord, all ate and bathed in the ocean. All, that is, except for one monkey. He ate but did not bathe. He slunk away and left secretly without the bath. Now maybe he was a hydrophobic or maybe he knew that the Lord had an ulterior motive for ordering the bath. Anyway, his descendants became the British and because he still had the unused store of good sanskaras from helping the Lord win the war against Ravan, his descendants were able to build up an empire. However, it wasn't an unlimited store of good sanskaras, so it only lasted 200 years. The rest of the army was, of course, given liberation (mukti) because when they took the Prasad then washed in the Ocean the burden of all their sanskaras was dissolved!

Maharaj used to say that the British would use up their store and in doing so were accumulating the opposite sanskaras - oppression, greed, pride.. Soon a fall would come. When the Empire fell, the British would suffer for a very, very long time because they had got the Empire and all that it entailed from disobeying the Lord. Maharaj was a Perfect Master, the Guru of Baba Himself. I believe it happened just as Maharaj said, and that Britain is now reaping the fruits of disobedience. As Meherwan said to us this morning, the repercussions of such an action stretch across incarnations and manifest aeons later, never underestimate the power of the order given by the Avatar and never ever disobey!!! Jai Baba!!

Shrinmai

2010-08-03T03:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have written in my blog, but I haven't really felt prompted to write. Since I have been in Meherazad since 25 July 2010, I have once again started taking walks with Meherwan and my store of Baba stories has grown, and I'll be sharing them shortly. However, this trio of stories comes from my aunt Manu Jessawala and are all about Shirinmai, Baba's mother.

Shirinmai was very close to the Jessawala women; Gaimai, Manu and Meheru. She used to treat them as her family and happily spent time with them and used their clothes and other personal items even though she was very selective and never used anyone else's. She also did not hesitate to make requests of them, and because they had been told by Baba to look after His mother and do as she said they'd try and do so and often get scolded by Baba for their troubles.

I may have posted the story of the fish that Shirinmai ordered from my grandmother Banu (who lived in Mumbai but was going to visit Meherabad) but I will repeat it quickly..Gaimai asked her sister Banu to bring fried pomfret for Shirinmai who had asked for it inspite of Baba's strict order that there be no non-vegetarian food in Meherabad at the time. A strict diet of daal and rice and a single vegetable for lunch and a single vegetable and chappatis for dinner was in force. Since the Avatar's mother ordered the fish, Banu brought them, but just as she was about to eat it a cat appeared from nowhere and ran off with the entire fish. Hot on the heels of the cat was Baba who came, sniffed and said He smelt fish - who dared to disobey His order and bring fish into the Ashram? The whole saga had to be related to Him, He was very displeased and scolded all - His mother, Gaimai and Banu - for disobeying Him. His mother scolded Him back saying He could not bear to see her have even a small pleasure and that is why the cat had stolen her fish.

Similarly, one time she got Manu to make her a very spicy tomato patia which is like a sauce but eaten with daal and rice. Just as she was about to put the first morsel into her mouth, Baba walked in, looked at what she was about to eat and stopped her. He scolded Manu inspite of Mother saying there was no need to reprimand her because she was only following her own request/order. Then Baba sat down and ate every bit of his mother's meal, licking the plate clean, and told her to stop trying to disobey Him. Once again she was angry at her son for denying her this small pleasure.

At the ground-breaking ceremony of Byramangala Baba had invited His mother to be with Him when He performed the ceremonies, and she was so pleased and happy to be near her son. She felt that she needed to make a good impression so she got Gaimai to dress her up. She wore the special sari that had been got for Gaimai for Meherwan's Navjote and also the jewellery that went with it, had her hair done properly and looked a picture!! She was so sure Baba would be pleased with all the efforts she had made and was eagerly waiting for Him to come and escort her to the place where the event was to take place. When Baba arrived He was dressed in the old patched coat He always wore and His old sandals. He took one look at Shirinmai and gestured that she should remove all the finery and dress simply. How would it look for His mother to be so expensively and finely dressed? People would question where Baba found the money to afford such luxurious clothes for His mother, and so on (or "Yada, yada, yada" as the Jews would say!). She was reduced to tears of disappointment and frustration, but Baba did not budge until she had changed back into her simple every-day clothes and then only did He take her with Him.

Shirinmai comes across as a woman who is real and strong. She is someone I would have loved to have been able to meet. Opinionated, luxury-loving, worldly and canny (she managed most of the finances, Sheriarji being more spiritually inclined and very generous) yet innocent and childlike. She had very definite views and was often left behind because Baba spent time with His spiritual mother Gulmai (I put Daulatmai in the original post in error, and Babaelf pointed out my mistake, thank you!). She wanted a son who would be a worldly success but she got the Avatar instead. Yet, she accepted that He was the Avatar and obeyed Him, though not always immediately and implicitly.

There is a final chapter to Shirinmai's story. Baba was in Panchgani and going to Meherabad for His birthday. He had said that He would pass through Poona and pick up His mother to go with Him. Gaimai, Manu and Gulamasi (Gaimai's other sister) had gone to Baba-house to ask Mother if she was going to go, and she said she was not feeling well, could they stay with her? So they stayed and Mother's health deteriorated. Meanwhile, Baba's car had a puncture and they were delayed. By the time Baba arrived in Poona Shirinmai had died. Gaimai, who was closest to her and whom Shirinmai loved very much, saw rays of intense light coming out of her nostrils as she was breathing her last, and also what she called 'Parees' or fairies come out of her mouth as she died. When Baba arrived He said that it was really fortunate that the car had a puncture. Had He arrived while Mother was still alive it would have been His duty as a son to stop her dying, though she would have had to suffer if that happened.

Hari Om.

2010-05-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

Hari Om, a lovely name for our one Beloved. It was also the name of a lovely little soul, my friend Miriam's pug, who died just over a week ago. Baba loved dogs, as we know. Hari was such a sweet and gentle soul that I am sure that Baba is playing with him now! Hari Om is now part of the ever-resounding OM! Bon voyage our Hari. Send us snuffly kisses now and then.

Has anyone read the book 'The Cat Who Went to Heaven'? Such a beautiful story. As is Jonathan Livingstone Seagull and of course, 'The Little Prince'. When the fox and the prince talk about taming each other, it is the best explanation of being loved and special that I've ever read. Maybe someday a book will be written about Hari and how he tamed us all, so that of all the pugs in the world, he was our special one and we looked forward to seeing him. Jai Baba Hari Om, I will so miss you when I next come to Spain.

A note for regular readers.

2010-05-18T04:15:00.000-07:00

You will shortly see some advertisements displayed beside my blog. I kept getting a message about making money from the blog via AdSense, and recalling that Bhauji is always saying the Trust needs donations, I have gone ahead with this so that any money earned from clicks on these ads will generate money for His Trust.

Apparently, each time someone clicks on an advert, I get paid. I may never make anything at all, but if I do, you know where the money will go!

He is everywhere!

2010-05-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

I have been travelling around Turkey and Egypt with friends, and each place had so much beauty and history that brought to mind Baba's travels around this part of the world. He has visited the pyramids of Giza and stood in front of the Sphinx, blessing the country with His presence.

We took a trip into the desert outside of Sharm El Sheikh, and went on camel-back to a Bedouin settlement where we were given dinner and then watched the stars come out and viewed some of them through a telescope. Watching the sunset my friend Vijaya asked me to sing the Gujarati Arti. There among the sandstone hills, with the sun setting in a blaze of colour, I put on the matchless violin solo by Kokila Gillett which I had on my mobile phone and sang the Arti. It was so beautiful, in the vastness of His creation the song He composed ringing out to praise our Beloved. I sing the Arti when and where I can. I sang it softly in Rumi's tomb-shrine in Konya, but here I felt Baba most strongly.

Going to Turkey and Egypt you can't miss the temples. Each one seemed to have been erected to name a king as a god. How right they were..we are all divine, all God, and Baba is everywhere.

When the s**t hits the fan!!

2010-03-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

We were talking in the queue to darshan at the Samadhi, Gussi and I, about how difficult it is to look after ailing mothers. Her mum is suffering from a slow but sure road to senile dementia, and she was saying how it makes it really hard for her to phone her mum and talk to her. Mine, of course, is recovering from a double whammy - open-heart surgery and an acute Hepatitis B infection. She'd only been back in Meherabad for a couple of days. Yesterday, when we had this conversation, was Mothering Sunday, so I reminded her to at least call and try.

The conversation progressed to how Baba makes us suffer. Everywhere we look there is a lot of shit hitting fans, and Baba-lovers seem to get the most fallout. She was remembering that more suffering means that Baba loves you more, because He said that those whom He loves the most suffer the most. It is hard isn't it, to escape the shit?? The queue, progressing slowly, must have made me extra philosophical, because I said quite seriously, "Hey Gussi, there is one thing we can be sure of. There are fans, they are turning. There is shit flying up to meet the fan, and you can be sure that some of it will fall on us."

However, what I'd like to add to that piece of wisdom is that no matter how much falls on us, and no matter how foul it smells, He loves us and will be there to help us clean it all up. Until the next load lands, love and Jai Baba to you all.

BaBa Black Sheep

2010-03-15T01:51:00.000-07:00

Sam Patel was here from Mumbai. He said at Arti yesterday, "I am no singer or poet but I am going to recite a nursery rhyme." So saying he recited the following:

Baba black sheep have you any school
Yes sir, yes sir all around the world
One for the scoundrels
One for the thieves
One for the fortunate few
Who make it up the Hill

This reminded me of a story my mum told. When she was about three or four, Baba came to visit, and asked her if she knew a Baba song. Very proudly she said, "Yes Baba!". Then she proceeded to sing the original nursery rhyme, Baa Baa Black Sheep!!! Baba and the mandali with Him fell about laughing, and my mum says that she, as a little girl, felt very proud that she had made Baba happy. Jai Meher Baba.

Caring and care-giving.

2010-02-20T05:39:00.000-08:00

What a difference there is between the two! You can care very deeply but care-giving is a whole different thing. You have to be prepared to do the really intimate and often unpleasant tasks for the person you care for. For some years in England I worked nights and weekends at a care home, looking after the elderly. I had to wash them, change their diapers, bathe them and put them to bed. I didn't find that a strain or a problem because they were used to being taken care of and didn't really put up any resistance to the care routine. Plus, they weren't family and I was detached from them, though I liked my oldies and found them very interesting and loving human beings.

Bearing in mind that I'd already done all this, I didn't expect to find it difficult to care for my mother whom I love dearly. However, Baba has other ideas! She is very strong-minded (polite way of saying stubborn), and resists any instructions or requests that would make it easier for her care-givers! Plus, it is not a night or weekend caring stint, it is every day, every night. I cannot resign or say I don't want a shift, thank you very much.

I think this is Baba's way of showing me how low my tolerance levels really are. I always prided myself on being tolerant and patient, especially with people who were weak or unwell. He is clearly showing me that it was His grace all along that made me able to be tolerant and patient! It wasn't me, it was Him. I also thought I had lost most of my arrogance and impatience.. no such thing. It is still there, just not as evident. My mother's surgery and subsequent illness has been Baba's way of giving me an opportunity to see myself more clearly. Maybe I was getting complacent, and with Baba that is a big no-no. I have had to evaluate my own 'growth' in all these years, and find myself really wanting. Oh well, I'll just have to try harder. Thank You Baba for this gift of time with my mum. I'll try and make the most of it. Jai Baba.

Do your best.

2010-02-20T05:02:00.000-08:00

My son Sheriar had an interview on the 18th. He's very keen on the job offered, and was really hoping he would not mess up. He prepared, got his tutors at Cambridge to coach him, and was really trying to be as ready as possible.

We'd been talking online about how to work the group sessions, the one on one exercises and the final interview. The day before the interview he got the card I sent via Moonpig, personalised with love and prayers from family and friends here. He emailed me to thank me for it, and I replied that he had prepared, so now take Baba's name and go for the interview. After all, Baba has said, "Do your best, then leave the rest to Me."

I got an email the very next day, saying how funny it was that the exact same message was in the Christmas package from Meherazad which I had sent to him and which he had also received just a few days ago! He felt that this was a good sign, and was much relieved!! So was I, for it showed that He was fully in the picture and had it all under control.

Sheriar feels very hopeful, because he said that he felt everything had gone really well. Well, he has done his best, the rest is in Baba's hands. Jai Meher Baba.

Don't forget, there are birthdays coming!!!

2010-02-12T02:42:00.000-08:00

I love birthdays! I see that I have some regular readers. Please do feel free to wish me on my birthday, which is the 21st of February! Four days later and I could have shared it with Baba! Baba even said so to my mum, whose only comment was, "Baba it was in Your Hands, what could I do?"

In fact, Meherwan Kashouty does share Baba's birthday. Baba's telegram to his parents Henry and Keecha Kashouty when he was born was, "Meherwan is My gift to Myself on My birthday"... WOW!! I remember Henry telling us this when we visited his home in 1967, and thinking, what a wonderful message to receive. Anyone knows how the Kashoutys are doing?? If you are in touch with them, please post some news and give them lots of love from the whole Kerawalla/Jessawala clan (what is left of it, anyway!). I was Leslie-Meher's penpal for years, she even sent me a slice of her wedding cake (or was it birthday cake?), isn't that sweet? That was sooo long ago! I feel ancient now.. :((

Dream..

2010-02-12T02:23:00.000-08:00

As you know if you have been reading my blog and my posts on Facebook, mum had to have by-pass surgery to clear blockages in her coronary arteries. She has been convalescing, and my sister Dolly and I have been taking care of her. Dolly is so much better - more patient and more tolerant - than I am. Mum has started wanting almost everything done for her, and I always ask her to do the things she can, herself. Dolly, on the other hand, uncomplainingly does everything. I can't but admire her love and stoicism, she herself is recovering from a broken elbow.

Anyway, I was (and am) feeling a tad irritated and impatient these days. I have been talking to Baba asking Him to make me feel more loving and giving, but He seemed to be silent (well, more than usual! He is after all the Silent One). Last night I had a vivid dream where Baba comes up behind me as I was being snippy with mum, gives me a sharp whack on the back of my head, and points to Himself and then to my mum. I turn to look at her and see that she and He look alike! Except she was wearing a violently mauve dress and He was radiant in His blue coat and sadra. I turn back to Baba but He silences me and says that I must remember that He is Roshan, and that it is His gift to me, that I am able to serve her and Him! So much for snippy.

Baba, I will remember and do better. Isn't it strange? The only two who have ever whacked me are Baba (in this dream) and Eruch (when I was around 6, with Baba's permission). Otherwise, everyone had a strict order from Baba to never smack or physically punish me, or hurt me in any way which made it very hard for my family sometimes. Baba had told them, 'If you hurt her you are hurting Me.' Jai Baba.

Singing and dancing

2010-01-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

The evening of the 30th was a feast of music and dance. We had a wonderful chorus from Debbie Nordeen and the Meherabad Choir, which included most of the audience! This was followed by a session of Karnatic fusion music which did variations on the Dhuun sung just before the silence today, 'Meher Baba, Meher Baba, Meher Babaa Meher Ba-Baa'. Flute, acoustic veena and acoustic violin, along with the mridangam, several tabla sets and a keyboard made this a truly inspiring item. There was then much dancing from Dharmavaram and another southern town, lamp dancers from Surat. Meherwan and Sam were getting tired and so we left after the dances ended. The dancers were in full classic Bharatnatyam regalia, and the effect was great..like multicoloured birds flitting in and out in synchronised order, gracefully making place for one as the other exited. The dancing master of the second group was a treat in himself - he policed the musicians, directed his dancers with a glance or a small movement of finger or hand, and finally danced himself!!! To loud applause!

For me, the highlight was listening to Alka Thade sing (badly, due to a sore throat) and then hobble off stage. For those who have read my earlier post about jealousy, she is the little girl, my age, who danced for Baba and used to infuriate me to the point where Baba would have me sit by Him and put His hand on my head to let me know He knew I was there! I know this is very petty, but hey, I've aged a lot better than she has!!

Her father especially sought me out one day at Meherazad to let me know that in 1959 there were two children whose births Baba was eagerly awaiting, one was Alka and the other was me. Meherwan commented last night when I was telling him this, that Baba had given me so much. Every day for the first three months He would come to Bindra House to feed me sherbet with His own hands, dipping His finger repeatedly into His glass and then giving it to me to suck. Baba even told them, 'I don't come to see you all, I only come for Mehera.' (I mustn't have had the 'Baby' appended to my name at that time. I did later and it stayed until I was 30, when our darling Mehera dropped her body.) Francis Brabazon was constantly exclaiming, 'Lucky baibee', and, Meherwan says, telling Rano that she should die so she could also be reborn as a 'lucky baibee'. Rano (whose relationship with Francis seems to be similar to mine with Alka) would snap that Francis could die himself, so he could be the 'lucky baibee'.

It is true, Baba has given me so much, more than I ever deserved (in my opinion, anyway) and continues to do so. My being here in Meherabad at Amartithi time is just another in a long string of special gifts from Him. Thank You, Baba.

Darshan this morning

2010-01-30T00:35:00.000-08:00

Meherwan Jessawala, Falu Dadachanji, Davana Brown, Peter (don't know his last name, but he's staying in Meherazad to help Falu) and I stood in the queue this morning for around an hour and took Darshan. Amartithi formally starts at 3 pm today. We were reminiscing about the 7 days that Baba was in the Tomb in 1969 and the first Amartithi in 1970. Conditions for the pilgrims who came in '70 were primitive. The toilets were pits with wooden boards put across so people could squat over them. There was no hot water, in fact it was so cold that for the only time in my memory there was a very, very thin membrane of ice on water kept out overnight. The tents didn't have cloth to the bottom and the icy wind whistled through, chilling everyone. We would pack mattresses, blankets, sheets, pillows, etc. in the ubiquitous 'bedding rolls', a very Indian phenomenon, and we were still cold and had to curl up against each other.

Today, the family have a home close by, and we stay in great comfort. But the magic of those early Amartithis is still bright in our hearts. We'd start the day with Arti in the Tomb with Mehera, Mani and the rest of the ladies, though we may have been awake all night with Eruch, and Mansari would let me help to clean the Tomb early - before the ladies came in. There were not that many people, so volunteers could let people take their time and not hurry the pilgrims as we do today. Some come from thousands of miles away, in very uncomfortable trains or buses, and don't even get a few peaceful seconds to be with their Beloved. Others come just to be in His presence, they don't really get a chance to take Darshan, but are content to touch the walls of His Tomb and consider their journey blessed.

Amartithi is the time Meherabad is fully charged with the energy and love of the thousands and thousands who come to be with Him on the day He left the physical form behind. It is a time of joy but also the pain of those who never saw Him. The young girl in front of Meherwan in the line put her head on the Samadhi and sobbed her heart out. She had to be helped up to leave the Tomb, she really wanted a few moments more, but there was a crush of people behind her and she had to go. Baba brings us so much that reminds us that He is the Ancient One, the Lord of Lords, the Highest of the High. Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai!!!

Broken bones

2010-01-28T22:17:00.000-08:00

The end of 2009 and the first month of 2010 seems to be a time when Baba is breaking bones. The first one I know of was Shelley Marrich breaking her wrist around mid-December. Then my sister Dolly broke her elbow on 6th January 2010, Mitra (a volunteer at Meherazad) broke her hand two days ago, Kristin Crawford and Elaine Cox both have mums with broken hips. There may be more, I don't know of them right now. But it seems that He is breaking bones - maybe releasing something that has been held inside and is toxic to the individual. I nearly broke my left wrist on Christmas morning, but it was simply a bad sprain.

I am praying for all those who have had to suffer broken bones - if you know of anyone whose name you'd like included, please post a comment, and I'll remember to name them in the Samadhi, next time I offer prayers there.

Slippers

2010-01-28T22:05:00.000-08:00

It is now almost Beloved Baba's 41st Amartithi. Standing in the queue for Darshan this morning (a longish queue) I was thinking of the first time I came here for Darshan. Baba was in the crypt, and I spent the 7 days He was lying there in a daze of happiness. I recall Mehera's pain and tears, vividly. But I felt only joy. Anyway, that is another story. Those days there was no pandal (marquee) or arrangements or anything, just around 600 or so gathered for His last darshan.

Today there was the queue, already mentioned. From time to time Anna Khandale would announce that people should:

A) Not sing too long because others also were waiting to sing for Baba
B) Not take too long in the Tomb, others were waiting & they may miss
breakfast!

Now, breakfast is the least of your thoughts when you stand in the queue at Amartithi. However, Anna might have been thinking about his own breakfast. What a contrast to that first time, when no one hurried you and when they had to search for someone to sing for Baba, and we ended up with Yadav from the village singing the most lovely songs in His praise, with a chorus of young men from Arangaon providing the backing vocals. Later we did have the Poona and Nagar centre singers, but initially it was Yadav, almost all the time. Also, there was no breakfast, because unless you had your own, there was nothing to eat or drink except water.

Anyway, the slippers.. just as I got to the last part of the queue to go into the Samadhi enclosure, I noticed an Iranian lady take off her slippers and carefully put them into a plastic bag which she then put into her handbag, presumably to take it in with her for Darshan. I went up to her and requested her to please take the slippers out and put them with the others, mentioning that since Baba was looking after the Universe, I was sure He'd keep an eye on her slippers for her too! She took it well, and left her slippers outside, and even thanked me for telling her, later. The slippers reminded me of the following story.

It was Darshan time in Guruprasad. Not one of the big Darshans, one of the smaller gatherings that Baba would allow in summer when He was in residence there. There was a group of lovers from Mumbai, Pune and Nagar, there may have been others, I don't recall. Anyway, Dara and Homa Dadachanji were there with the rest of the clan. They were mischief makers, both of them, and they persuaded their nephews Meherwan, Sarosh and Falu, Rusi Bastani and the twins (I think) to take the right shoe or slipper of each pair left outside the big hall in Guruprasad and put them all into the pool around the water fountain in the garden! When people got up to leave, they found only their left slipper or shoe, and there was pandemonium. Baba heard of this, and I don't know what happened, but I'm sure the culprits were well scolded for their efforts! However, afterwards this episode became a source of great laughter for all. Fortunately, no one has tried repeat this prank at Amartithi, for one thing there's not a pond, and for another both Dara and Homa are with Baba, entertaining Him, I am sure.

I shall go back later to see if I can get a chance to sneak in when the crowds are a bit less, mid afternoon perhaps. That way I won't be serenaded by the various ringtones of mobile phones that people don't switch off, no matter how many times they are told! Today is the 29th, here in Meherabad, but still 28th night in the US, I guess. Jai Baba.

A Final Goodbye to Arnavaz!

2009-12-27T08:47:00.000-08:00

I was not in Meherazad when Arnavaz died, 18 February this year. I felt very close to Arnavaz, as did so many who came into her orbit and felt her love and concern for them as Baba's children.

I used to get daily and sometimes more than daily updates on her via Shelley's emails. Arnavaz, in common with other Mandali and close ones, defied medical facts and pulled through when by rights she should have long gone to Beloved Baba. It was not easy for her, she suffered. But what I got from Arnavaz were repeated lessons in totally surrendering to His Will. She always took everything as His gift. It is no co-incidence that her book is called 'Gift of God' which is also what her name meant. Through her example and talking with her, I learned how to surrender to Baba's Will. Learning didn't mean I actually could do it, but at least I'd seen first hand how it's done. I do try and act on what I've learned, but have a long way to go before I can even approach the shadow of her surrendrance. So I was really sorry to not be there when she finally went to Baba.

Today, Baba allowed me the privilege of being present when her ashes were interred in Meherazad garden, just outside the window of the room where she spent her last years, months, days..and where she died. It was her favourite space, I guess. A deep hole similar to the ones dug for the women Mandali on the Hill, by Baba's Samadhi, was made. Her neice Meherrukh and Meheru jointly put the stainless box containing her ashes into the hole, then a big garland was placed around the top, and flowers offered. As I bowed down to her I took a flower, kissed it and thanked Arnavaz for being there in my life and for everything she had shared with me. Then I dropped it in, to rest with all the others offered to this gentle stalwart, whose beauty both physical and spiritual, will brighten our memories always. We all sang, and Manu's voice could be heard singing Satchitananda Parmananda and Hari Paramatma. Arnavaz's great neice Meher has a nightingale's clear song, and she and Ted led the group in a couple of hymns.

After the Interment Manu was talking about how one by one, all her companions had gone. She's currently being treated for suspected TB which caused her chest to fill with fluid. Gus and Rada came visiting, and we were teasing her about having to go on for at least nine more years, until she was 100. She said, "No, never." But we told her she had to be prepared, as Baba could keep her that long. Gus said that it was all about making sure she was comfortable, and Rada chimed in to say, yes - whether it was 9 years or 20!! At this she started to laugh, knowing we were teasing. The interment was followed by snacks and cold drinks, a party for a true princess. Love you, Arnavaz. Jai Baba!!!

Accepting death.

2009-12-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

One of our dogs, Roxanne, recently became very ill. The vet said she was in kidney and liver failure, so my dad Sam called my sister Dolly and I to come and help with her treatment. He was crying, because he really loves those dogs.

Dolly and I went, we took Roxanne to the vet twice daily for IV infusions, and tried our best to help her get better. My dad was still crying, until we asked him to think why he could talk about being detatched and accepting His Will, but not act on what he said. He must have been thinking on this, because last Tuesday we were in Mandali Hall and there was a discussion about dying. He was talking about how difficult it was to let go. Meherwan said something, then dad said that he had seen first-hand how Baba would demonstrate His divine mercy.

One time when Baba was in Guruprasad, a group of Parsis (all young men and women) went on a boat trip to Madh Island or somewhere near Mumbai. The boat capsized and around 38 of them died. One was the young daughter of Jal Dorabjee, a Baba lover and a good friend of Pendu. Jal came to Guruprasad, and Pendu informed Baba that he was there, and that he was distraught that his daughter had died. Baba asked him to bring Jal to Him.

As soon as Baba saw Jal He opened His arms and when Jal came to Him, held him very tightly. He let Jal cry for a good 15 to 20 minutes, standing and holding Jal all the while. Once the outpouring of grief was less, Baba took Jal's face between His palms and looked directly at him. He then gestured that what had just happened was natural. He was a father and he had vented a father's grief at losing his child. Baba then gestured that Jal should not cry after this, because his daughter had come to Baba and was at peace. If he persisted in crying for her, Baba said, she would not be able to rest. He is the divine Father, and all His children finally go to Him to rest. This was the story dad told. He still can't really bring himself to let go easily of his dogs.
There is such a big difference between love and attachment! He won't cry that much when one of us goes, I don't think. In fact, he says so himself!! He loves us, my sister and I, but is not attached to us. But I loved the story he told that day. I could see in my mind's eye Baba holding the sobbing father with infinite love and care, and then reassuring him about his daughter's final rest.
Jai Baba!

P.S. Roxanne is recovering now. Hopefully, she's turned the corner and will be with us all a while longer.

Superstitions..

2009-12-08T05:02:00.000-08:00

Meherwan was talking about superstitions and how Baba dealt with them. He said that there is a superstition that if someone sees crows mating, then one of the group will die. Once, while on the New Life, Baba and the Mandali did see a pair of crows mating, and someone said to Baba that this was terrible and it meant that one of them would die. Baba, instead of phoo-phooing it, said that perhaps they could avert it if someone notified one of His lovers who was not with them, that one of the Mandali had died. He said, 'If I send a telegram to say I have died, it will be too much of a shock, let us send Keki Desai a telegram to say Pendu has died.' Accordingly, a telegram was sent to Keki to tell him of Pendu's passing. Then Baba said, 'Let us not keep this up too long, go send another telegram to say "Don't worry, Pendu alive".'

A while later they heard from Keki. He had never got the first telegram, so was very surprised to receive the second saying Pendu was alive!! He did not know what to make of it. Baba found this very amusing.

Gaimai, Eruch's mum, had certain superstitious beliefs, one being that if someone sneezed while people were leaving one's house, they should return and go a bit later. Baba was walking out of Bindra House with His Mandali one time, when someone sneezed. Gaimai told Baba that He could not go. She explained that leaving right after someone sneezes brings bad luck. Baba very sweetly turned back, sat a while longer and then left.

She also did not allow people to cut their hair or nails on a Saturday, which is supposed to be a 'heavy' day - things don't go well if you start them on a Saturday. While at the ashram, Mehera would occasionally decide to cut Baba's nails on a Saturday, and Gaimai would protest. Mehera would say to Baba, 'Why does it matter what day it is?' but Baba would ask her to postpone it a day, so that 'bad luck' would not strike! (Manu and Meherwan still will not cut nails or hair on a Saturday, nor do we, mostly. Avoiding it always reminds me of Gaimummy.)

A while back I wrote about how Baba put the kajal on my forehead and in my eyes. Now a lot of folks would say, how superstitious. But as He said, it repels the evil eye. Even His! Today, a lot more people are able to accept the concept of negative energy or vibrations. They exist.
A bit like ghosts, which Eruch didn't believe in, until Baba confronted him with one. So, who knows, maybe superstitions have some element of truth in them after all. Anyone have good superstitions or stories about them to share?? Jai Baba.

Childhood friends - Baba and Dr Ghani.

2009-11-23T00:54:00.000-08:00

Douglas asked Meherwan if any of Baba's Mandali was cheeky to Baba, disagreed with Him, or talked back. Meherwan said that the only one who did (and was allowed to) was Abdul Ghani, Baba's childhood friend. There is a term in Hindi, 'Langotya dost' which loosely translates to friends since they were in diapers. Ghani and Baba were Langotya Dosts.

Ghani was always questioning Baba, making jokes, and being cheeky, but got away with it. Baba loved his humour, and he entertained Baba during the times when He was doing a lot of very strenuous work. However, Ghani was very lazy. He was the laziest man ever. He would go for long times without even bathing or changing his clothes. Meherwan said that he (Ghani) usually slept with even his shoes on, during the New Life.

When Baba called the meeting for His Mandali to choose if they would go on the New Life, He was very strict about the need for them to read the conditions they were signing up to, and to not discuss it with anyone. They were just to think about it, and give their 'Yes' or 'No' answer without any consultation. But Baba so wanted Ghani on the New Life with Him, that (and Meherwan says that this is not written or published anywhere) He got Eruch to go to Ghani and take him aside and tell him that Baba said it would not be that difficult (hard), just say 'Yes'. Ghani hated walking, hated getting up early, hated hardships of any kind, and Baba knew that he would say 'No' if he thought that he'd have to do all this with Baba and the rest of the Mandali. So Ghani, reassured by this, said 'Yes'.

Meherwan said that Baba had another reason for wanting Ghani with Him at the start of the New Life. Ghani did not have long to live. Baba wanted him to have as much time with Him as possible. So Ghani came with Baba on the first stage of the New Life. He did not enjoy it! But he loved Baba and Baba loved him, so he was able to go on with it for as long as the time when Baba gave the Mandali the choice of continuing with the New Life or going back into the Old Life. Adi K Irani, Ghani and one more Mandali (Meherwan did not recall the name of the third man) chose to go back. Shortly after that Ghani died. Baba's Langotya dost went back to Him, finally - perhaps for all time. Who knows. Except Baba, of course. And He is not telling.

Next post will be about superstitions. Again from the Walk Talks. I think that is a lovely name for these anecdotes that Meherwan narrates on the walks. Jai Meher Baba!

Walking with God, up Seclusion Hill.

2009-11-23T00:32:00.000-08:00

As I said in the blog I posted yesterday, there were two dog stories and the tale of walking up Seclusion Hill with Baba. Meherwan says that it was 1955, he was walking with a group of other men and Beloved Baba up Seclusion Hill. In those days the hill was a barren, rocky one and the path was steeper in places than it is now. What follows is Meherwan's narration (as best as I can remember) of that climb with Beloved Baba.

Baba had taken the men up the hill to show them where He performed much Universal work. As they reached the foot of the hill, Baba began telling them of how the path resembled the lover's journey to the Beloved. He started walking up and explained that at first the lover gets attracted to the path to God by various means, but once there is the longing, the Beloved begins to woo the lover. He encourages him at every step, shows him great love and preference, and praises him to His other disciples. There is a lot of close contact with the Master and the disciple is spell-bound with love and all this attention showered on him. He keeps getting closer and closer, adoring and (presumably) adored.

This continues for a long while, the lover climbing the path with great enthusiasm, because he is always encouraged by the Beloved. Baba gave the comparison of a kite. The lover is the kite, the string of which is held fast by the Beloved. The Beloved is an expert at kite-flying, He knows how much string to let go, and when to pull in on the string, to keep the kite rising. (We'll come back to this allegory from time to time, as Meherwan narrates the story.) To start with, He lets the string go, so the kite rises. But He keeps pulling the string taut so that it does not go slack, or even worse, get cut. The Beloved knows that He must keep hold of the string, because if He lets go, the kite (lover) will be lost forever.

The men and Baba kept on climbing until they came to the first U-turn. This is where the path turns on itself, and appears to go in the reverse direction. At this turn Baba stopped and said, 'This is where the Beloved lets the Lover believe that he has stopped progressing. He does this by starting to ignore the lover. The lover does all he always did and more to get back the attention of his Beloved, but the Beloved does not respond. Not only that, He begins to scorn the lover. The lover comes before the Beloved and waits for a glance, but the Beloved looks right through him as if he did not exist. When he tries to draw the Beloved's attention, he gets angry and disgusted looks, and sometimes rejection. The lover is now distraught, he does not know what he has done, what he has to do, and why the Beloved is treating him so badly. After a long time of this treatment he begins to think, 'Why do I stay here? My presence makes my Beloved unhappy and even angry. I try to please Him, but don't succeed. Instead of staying and being an irritant to my Beloved, it is better that I go back into the world.' So with a heavy heart, and many backward glances - hoping against hope that he'll be recalled - the lover goes back to the world he had left behind to be with his Lord. Baba compares this with letting the string unravel so the kite can go away from the person holding the string.

Baba resumed climbing, and came to the second U-turn. Stopping there He said that the lover now goes back to the life he had left behind, but nothing interests him. Things that brought him pleasure before now seem totally worthless. He tries and tries, but he has lost the urge to live that life again. He becomes desperate, anguished. He does not fit in anymore. The desperation becomes so great that he finally decides that there is nothing left to live for. He decides to end his life, to commit suicide. Thinking on this plan, he tries to find a suitable way to end it all. At that time, Baba says, the Beloved pulls once more on the string of His kite and begins to bring in the lover towards Him. The game is almost over! The lover now has a thought.
'Why, if I am going to kill myself anyway, go back to my Beloved and end my life before Him?' He therefore goes back, heavy-hearted, knowing (so he thinks) that he'll only go back there to die.

Baba said, "Through all this, do you realise that the lover is still climbing? His progress up the path is not stopped, he just does not think that he is progressing. But the Beloved knows, the Beloved keeps him on the path."

But what happens next? Baba climbed further, now going on to the top of Seclusion Hill, and explaining that this is the last part of the path. When the lover approaches the Beloved, there is no rejection. Instead the Beloved welcomes him with open arms. "Where have you been, I've been waiting for you!" the Beloved says to him. The lover is amazed! What is this? His Beloved loves him after all! So he rushes into that embrace that ends the separation, and lover and Beloved unite for all time. He has reached the summit, with the help and company of his Beloved. The kite is now fully reeled in, and at rest.

There was a sequel to this story, which Meherwan related yesterday. (I started the story on 21st November and could not finish it until 23rd November). Baba asked His lovers, "You all are most fortunate that you are making this journey with Me. Look at this hill, it is a desolate place, not really very beautiful, barren. There are many more hills and mountains that are more scenic, more wonderful to climb. But in the future millions will come to this hill and climb it. Why? Not because it is a great hill, but because I, the Avatar of the age, did tremendous Universal work here. The work I did will bring them to the hill to be in the place where I was." He went on to emphasize how immense the good fortune was, for each of them who climbed with Him that day. Meherwan said that between the end of the allegory about the path and the sequel, Baba told them many things, but because it all happened 54 years ago, he has forgotten. But he remembered this, and shared it with Douglas and I, and I now share it with you! Jai Baba!

Meherwan's 79th Birthday!!

2009-11-22T01:17:00.000-08:00

Today is Meherwan's 79th birthday. It has been a long time since his birthday was celebrated, mainly because he's so shy of any 'fuss' as he calls it, that he avoids any occasion that will draw attention to himself. But he didn't have a choice. It was all organised and he had a lovely lunch which has just finished, leaving us all stuffed and happy! Manu, Meheru, Falu and all the family (apart from my son Sheriar, who is in Cambridge) were there. Also Davana, Kacey, Dr Anne, Janet Judson, Mike McDonald & Sarah Schall, Dr Michael (Ramsden), Nurse Douglas, Peter who is so shy we rarely see him (but we are working on getting him over this), Viola Marks, Craig Ruff, Ruby & Meherwan Dubash.. think that is all. Oh, and all the dogs were there, and got scraps and a final treat of icecream!
Davana baked a wonderful cake, Sarah and Mike provided the ice cream, Kacey made a great salad, Ruby and my mum made sev, my mum made a delicious daal & rice (Baba's & Meherwan's favourite) and stew. My sister Dolly & I got in chicken kebabs, paneer chilli and mushroom curry with stuffed naans. Too much food, but oh so lovely to eat and enjoy Baba's bounty in His home at Meherazad, together! Thank you Baba, for special people and special treats.

Walks with Meherwan Jessawalla: 2 dogs and a story that will be continued..

2009-11-21T08:20:00.000-08:00

Today we were walking as usual in the morning, and we had Douglas (the nurse who is staying at Meherazad for part of the week while Dr Anne Moreigne goes to Meherabad to do her clinics there) with us. We also had the 3 Meherazad dogs; Moti, Barkus and Rolly. Meherwan was saying how Rolly and Moti are Pakistan and India and whenever they fight there are skirmishes on the borders. He then went on to tell us stories about two of Baba's dogs.

When Baba was in Meherazad He performed the prayers with the men mandali each morning. The doors to Mandali Hall were closed when prayers were being said, but to facilitate any latecomers, the back door (towards Mehera's porch) was kept on a chain which could be lifted so someone could quietly come in during the prayers. One day an emaciated, skinny little puppy slunk in, unnoticed. When the prayers were finished, Baba noticed this little scrap and asked where the dog had come from. Moved by it's pitiful state He asked it be fed. Eruch protested, saying 'You know very well Baba that if we feed it, it will never go away' but Baba insisted.

The dog was fed and as predicted, it stayed. Baba gave the dog to the women mandali to look after and Mehera taught it some tricks, which Baba enjoyed watching. Baba always overfed his pets so this dog ended up sleek and round, quite fat, actually. Because it did tricks Baba named the dog Rammu, i.e. Playful. Rammu was the last pet adopted by Beloved Baba.

Meherwan continued, 'There was another dog, one given by one of my uncles to Baba in 1941 or 1942. It was a good dog, and Baba liked it very much, and kept it. Anyway, the war was in full spate, and Baba named the dog Warrior. Baba was so fond of the dog that though He was in strict seclusion, He would take Warrior into the Seclusion cabin with Him. Who knows what work on the universal scale Warrior did for Baba. However, the work was so intense that the dog died in a very short while. Baba asked Padri to dig a grave for Warrior behind where the women Mandali's graves are, and He then carried Warrior out to his final resting place Himself. He laid the dog in the pit and then filled it in with the help of the other Mandali.' On being asked about Mastan, Meherwan said that Mastan was Baba's favourite and that He did a lot of work with and through him. But Meherwan did not elaborate.

He did go on to tell the story about Baba taking a group up Seclusion Hill, and the allegory Baba gave of the path being like the spiritual path to the Beloved. However, it is late, tomorrow is Meherwan's 79th Birthday and we are having a special lunch for him, so I'm going to sleep. I will write the story about the path along with the sequel (promised to Douglas this morning) in my next post. Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai!! Happy Birthday Meherwan.

Being regular.

2009-11-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Manu Jessawalla was in hospital for several days, returning home to Meherazad on Saturday last week. She had fluid in her chest cavity which caused her right lung to collapse and made breathing very difficult. After 3 litres of fluid had been 'tapped' from the chest, the lung inflated and she can now breathe and talk and walk a lot better. However, the tapping made her back and side ache due to the awkward and uncomfortable position she had to sit in while the fluid was being drained out of her.

Because of the pain Manu had to take painkillers. Painkillers are constipating. The Jessawalla family has a thing about being 'regular'. They often quote Baba's cousin Naja who used to say, 'Jo din zhada voh din sara', (The day you have a motion is a good day). So being constipated was awful for Manu, but when we teased her about it, she said that Baba was also very particular about it. This is true. I recall times when we were eating a meal with Baba and the women Mandali, and Baba would gesture to one or another, 'Did you have a bowel movement today?' He also discussed His own bowel movements on either side - the men or the women. Is this a divine thing? Sai Baba had a
'Lindi' procession when he wanted to go. He was followed by a large crowd, all happy that the Perfect Master was 'going'. Perhaps with the Perfect beings this is a necessary part of their universal work,
the evacuation of the sanskaras they take on from and for the rest of us. As you or I'd say after a particularly satisfying one, 'Aah, what a relief!!' Just on a Universal scale!! Loving Jai Baba to you all!

His little finger..More walk talks with Meherwan Jessawalla.

2009-11-10T08:05:00.001-08:00

Meherwan is always talking to me about how precious the opportunities to have been with Beloved Baba in His physical form are. Along this vein he was remembering how Baba came to Bindra House in Pune when I was a baby almost daily and spent hours playing with me. That the Avatar took time out to play with a babe was unusual and for that particular babe, very fortunate. This reminded me of a story both my grandmother (Banu) and Gaimai (Eruch and Meherwan's mother) told me.

Baba was very particular that as a baby I had the kajal (soot made from pure ghee) applied to my eyes and a spot placed on the side of the forehead, to ward off the evil eye. He used to say, half in jest, that even He could cast an evil eye and the black would absorb the influence. One day He came soon after I had been bathed, so He called for the little pot of kajal to be brought to Him so He could apply it Himself. The pot was duly brought, He took some of it on His little finger, put it into one eye, then the next and applied a spot on the side of my forehead. Then He called for a bowl of water to wash the rest off. Meheru Mehta, an aunt of mine, happened to be staying in Bindra House at the time. She said to Baba, 'Don't wash Your finger, Baba. Rub the kajal off on my head.' Baba looked at her and then got one of the accompanying Mandali to interpret, 'Do you think that it is so easy to have Me rub my finger on your head? My little finger is so precious that you have to be very worthy to deserve such an action on my part. Go get the water.'

Indeed we who had been in His presence are fortunate. Some are just more fortunate than others! Most fortunate are the children who had the Lord of Lords as their playmate. Meherwan has a photo of Baba playing marbles with him (when he was a little boy) and Baba looks totally comfortable and very happy in that picture. Even the Lord of the Universe takes time off to play marbles or fly kites with the little ones of His creation. Jai Baba.

Giving only a little bit.

2009-10-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

If you go back to my post of 15 April 2009, you will read the story of how when Baba asked me to give the elephant a biscuit out of my pack of biscuits, I gave the elephant just a small bit of the one I held in my hand. I was thinking about giving - to Baba, to our families and friends, to people we meet in the course of our lives.

I think that like that child I was then, we only give a little bit. Do I give Baba my full attention at Arti? No. Do I give everything that I do and say each day, whole-heartedly and with full surrender? No. I have been trying to say my prayers with total focus. If I have a thought interrupting them I start again. How many times have I started over and over? Countless. But I find that it helps me to re-focus on Him. And that can only be a good thing. There have been occasions in my life when I have fully surrendered the events and the outcome to Him, and at those times I have found what He gives back when you can do this. He takes over and my problem becomes His. I may not like what He makes happen, but ultimately I find that this was the only and best outcome for me.

I also find I only give pieces to my family and friends, not the whole biscuit, let alone the whole packet! When my parents get repetitive I switch off, I don't pay attention and often I just don't try. I love them both dearly but I don't show this enough. With my son, whom I love very much, I often forget to check on him to see how he is. Of course, he is grown up and a very independant young man. But there are times when I go for weeks without contacting him. I could say, he should contact me, but where is my effort? When a friend needs me to be there, I often have other plans and put my friend on hold, when I should be putting my plans on hold. Coming back to India has made me think over my life and how I am living it. Giving materially is so easy. You have more than you can use, you don't miss what you give. Giving emotionally is a lot harder. Perhaps it is time to give the whole biscuit, not just a corner of it. After all, it's more blessed to give than to receive, right? Love and Jai Baba.

Eruch's Birthday.

2009-10-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

Today is Eruch's birthday. He would have been 93 years old today. We celebrated it, starting with special prasad at morning Arti (accompanied with an enthusiastic rendition of 'Happy Birthday') and a breakfast of rava. As it was a Meherazad day, we all went early to Meherazad with lunch - the traditional daal, rice, tomato patia (a sweet and sour dish made with chopped tomatoes and spices and stuff, usually eaten with daal and rice, though can also be eaten with khichdi) and fried fish.

At Meherazad we garlanded Baba's chair in Mandali Hall, the picture of Baba where He is physically present (this picture hangs in Manu's room) and His bed. Meherwan joined in and we sang again, both in English and Gujarati. Then the bus arrived and the pilgrim day began. There were not many but as Meheru was in Pune, most of those who came congregated in Mandali Hall to listen to Meherwan and my dad Sam tell stories. Meherwan Dubash had also arrived two days ago from Canada, and he told stories of his time with Baba. He and his wife Ruby live here for 6 months and back in Canada the other six.

The tea on Eruch's birthday is always special. All his favourites are served - onion and spinach bhajis, sweets and chocobars. He was not allowed to eat most of the stuff served today during the last few years of his life, but we know that he would thoroughly approve of us eating all this stuff and remembering him!! My uncle always loved his food. This was true to the very end.

The day before Eruch died, we were sitting on the porch on the men's side waiting for the tea bell to ring. Steve Edelman, who usually brought a chocolate cake or something similar had not got anything at all that day. Eruch was disappointed, and said, 'Where is my chocolate cake? I was thinking about it all day, and you didn't bring any?' Hearing this, I said I'd give him something much better if he kept quiet about it. Alan Wagner had made brownies for someone's birthday, and we still had a couple in the tin in Manu's room. I ran in, and got him a large piece of brownie. Seeing this, his eyes lit up, and he took it eagerly and ate it quickly. When I asked him to slow down, he said, 'I have to eat it quickly, before the food police arrive' Food police was Davana or Shelley, who would never have allowed him to eat the brownie.

That was the last chocolate item he had, and I am so glad it was a special treat, full of fat and chocolate and calories. He loved eating it, and we loved watching him. Of course, he died early the next morning. After a while Steve and I told this story to Meherwan and Manu, and they told some others. The food police said how great it was that he got to eat what he wanted, that time. I had to laugh, and ask them what they would have said had he not died, on finding out that Steve and I had gone against their orders and given him his last brownie!!!

Dhuni 3

2009-10-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

The third Dhuni since I came back to India. Today, we heard that Dolly Dastur's brother Fila (Firoz) Engineer died early in the morning. Fila was a gentle and lovely man, though his sense of humour could be very unexpected! Jal and Dolly were in Mumbai for the funeral and we missed them at the Dhuni.

Fila died quickly and suddenly. He went to the Mumbai Baba Centre yesterday, and was planning on coming to Meherabad with his son Rayomand and his neice Meherangiz and her family, next week. It makes me happy that he didn't suffer much, his passing was quick. I will miss Fila.

I found that I had not actually published this post! So it is being published today. Fila is now home, and I know he found a rousing welcome from his Beloved Baba waiting for him.

P.S. I am back to throwing a stick in the Dhuni and asking Baba to take what He wants.

Random talk

2009-10-11T01:57:00.000-07:00

I was riding on tbe bus back from Meherazad with my dad this afternoon (11 October 2009). We sat next to two people who were talking so loudly it was hard to hold a conversation with the person sitting next to you. They were talking about masters, I think one of them came originally for Osho (Bhagwan Rajneesh, as he used to be). The talk progressed from that to other masters - Sai Baba of Shirdi, Upasni Maharaj of Sakori, Babajan..what kind of energy they found at each place, how they preferred one over the other, you know the sort of thing? We are talking Perfect Masters here, not holiday resorts!

I was trying to doze off during the ride. Not doing anything meaningful mentally, really. But I still found this conversation disturbing. Remember what I wrote about being present in His Presence? Is this what we have to look forward to, spiritual tourism? It is cheap to come stay in Meherabad. A lot cheaper than staying in Pune to be at the Osho commune. Or at some other spiritual centres. We actually have one individual who has been living in Meherabad for a few years now who came from Pune to settle here because it is so cheap. I find him very difficult to be around. Forgive me Baba.

Eruch only let me come and stay in Meherabad/Meherazad when he felt I had to give up something important to be there. Should this not also be the criteria we apply to people who come to stay for the longterm in Meherabad? I was not staying on Meherabad property, using Trust resources or in any way using the Trust. Still he felt that even to have the privelege of living in my parents' home to be able to work with him and help in his care, I needed to give up something. Erico and Heather are prime examples of giving up everything to be with Him. They could have had lives in the USA, they were well able to afford very good ones. Still, they came here and stayed and served and served. Erico even paid the ultimate price for living in Meherabad. Heather will, with His Grace, come back and eventually take up again her role as Trustee. My salutations to these two stalwarts, and may we all learn from their examples. Jai Baba.

Walks with Meherwan Jessawalla

2009-10-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

I have been staying at Meherazad with Manu and Meherwan Jessawalla, my aunt and uncle. Both have not been well, Manu has had two weeks of being short of breath and this has been upsetting for her, and all who are with her. She is improving but she's 91 and at her age anything can bring on something more serious.

Meherwan has had a problem with assimilating proteins. This has left him feeling weak and he gets swellings on his legs. We used to walk up Seclusion Hill each morning, but he said to me very regretfully that he could no longer do that walk, he was too weak for it. However, we do a walk nearly all the way to the new staff quarters twice a day, and this has been such a special treat. We talk about Baba, and the Jessawalla family's life with Him. He was talking about remembering Baba all the time, (remember my first entry on this blog!) and we got to discussing the spiritual hierarchy. I know we may all have read this, but our little speck of a world is the spiritual hub of the universe. The Avatar and the 5 Perfect Masters can only be found here. Though there are spiritual seekers in all the millions of worlds that contain intelligent life forms, ours is the control centre and if they need to progress on the path via a push from one of the enlightened ones, they have to come here.

Meherwan was saying that especially in the Avataric advent and in the 100 years that His presence remains after He drops the physical form, there is a vast influx of souls taking birth on earth to avail the spiritual push the Avatar's physical presence brings. Meherwan asked me how was it that science progressed so quickly in the last few decades? He said that there are worlds out there that are far more scientifically advanced than the earth, and these souls bring their knowledge from these worlds in some vestigeal form, and develop it further during their time here. See how a lot of the computer wizards are very young, see how easy it all is to them. A perspective I had not considered before. I must admit, it makes perfect sense. I am very computer illiterate.

Apparently, I have to read more Baba books. 'The Everything and the Nothing' was named. I am reading the Discourses, again. When all else fails, go to the Discourses. Any questions? Look there, the answers are all in the book, just waiting to be discovered. Or rediscovered, in my case. Problem is, I seem to have lost a few questions!! Age, I guess. Loving Jai Baba to you all.

Story time-Baba and Brownie

2009-10-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

Every Friday my parents (Sam & Roshan Kerawalla) go to the old MPC at Meherabad to tell stories, from 10.30 a.m. to 12.00 noon. Since I have returned home I go with them because it's always great to hear Baba stories. Today Dad told stories mainly from his times with Baba, not Sufi stories. I love hearing about the family and their times with Baba.

He told many stories about remembering Him, Baba's love for animals, His Divinity, etc. One story I particularly loved because it involved Brownie, my childhood pet, who was alive when I was born and died when I was just over a year or so old. Baba had come to Bindra House (Eruch's mum's home in Poona/Pune) with the Mandali. Adi Senior was with Baba and when Baba was ready to leave he accompanied Baba to the door.

Brownie was really old by then, and sick with cancer of the uterus, so she was very slow in moving and often spotted wherever she lay down. That day she happened to be lying across the front door from where Baba would exit. Adi shoved her with his foot to make her move. Baba saw this and became very angry, asking Adi what did he think he was doing, why did he kick Brownie? Adi got very flustered and replied that he was only trying to clear the way for Baba to leave and the dog was lying right across His path. Baba gestured with great displeasure, 'I can see the 3 worlds (gross, subtle and mental) with a single glance. Do you mean to say I could not see this poor dog lying here?' He made Adi bow down to Brownie, which Adi did.

Baba came for all His creation, not just for us humans. Brownie was really fortunate, Baba often played with her, petted her and she had a lot of contact with the Avatar. I was told by my grandparents that Baba said that any animal who had His physical contact would be human in it's next incarnation. I don't know if they will or not, but they will always have that spiritual push that the touch of the Ancient one gives any soul in the Universe.

Wonderful Stories

2009-09-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a lovely week and then some, back in Meherabad and Meherazad with my family. Though Eruch's sister Manu is not very well, she was still up to sharing stories and I joined my dad and Meherwan in Mandali Hall several times, and we sat and exchanged stories with the pilgrims gathered there. I'll just share one with you, because my son is waiting to use the computer.

Baba often told His close ones at times of Darshan, Sahavas, etc. to pay full attention to Him, and try and get the most out of this close personal contact with Baba. Meherwan was describing one such incident that happened at a mass Darshan, which reminded me of something similar which I was present for.

I was about 4 years old, and we had gone to Meherazad to spend a day with Baba. After His afternoon rest Baba was reclining on the settee which is in the living room of the big house where the women Mandali live, and there were about 15 women sitting around Him on the carpet. I was with my mum, aunts, grand mother and grand aunt. I think two of the women were having a conversation at the back and not paying attention to Baba and what He was saying via Mani (His sister). Suddenly Baba snapped His fingers and everyone's attention was directed at Him. He then got Mani to interpret this, and I can still see Him gesture the words, "Look at Me. Don't waste time, just look at Me. A time will come when I will be far in the front of a crowd of millions of people, and you will be at the back. Then, even if you stand on each other's shoulders, you will not be able to get even a glimpse of Me. Take this time that I give you, to make the most of these opportunities, they will not come again." To a four year old child who had unlimited access to His physical presence, this was a most terrifying message. I can still feel the goose bumps that ran over me, and I spent the entire afternoon looking only at Beloved Baba.

This is true now as well. We still have the opportunity to be close to His Tomb, to be in His presence. It really pains me to see how many people are bringing their cell phones to the Samadhi, even at arti times. It's most irritating to hear a cell phone going off. Even more so to see people surreptitiously checking text messages and replying. Why??? Can you not take even the little time you are near His Samadhi to be with Him alone? Do you need a cell phone to talk to God? If not, there is no need to bring one up to Samadhi. There, moan for the day done. Enjoy your time with Beloved Baba. It's the best time you have, and you really need to make the most of it. Jai Baba.

Dhuni Two..

2009-09-13T02:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the second Dhuni since I got back from England. It was a month ago that I last saw Erico and Heather, and hugged and greeted them and promised to visit and catch up. Erico is now with Baba, Heather is still struggling with her injuries and moving towards recovery.

I always throw a stick of sandalwood into the Dhuni and ask Baba to take what He wants, and I expected to do the same this time. However, as I knelt by the fire there was the strong urge to throw in something specific. Since arriving here I have been struggling with a lack - a deep attachment back in England that has made my home-coming very difficult. I asked Baba to take the attachment and use it for His own purposes. For a while now, every time I feel unhappy I try to remember Him, and take His name. This is a big help. Today, surprisingly enough, I find that I can recall good things and I feel more cheerful and relaxed than I have in a long time. Surprising what a Dhuni fire will do. Love and Jai Baba.

Erico is free...

2009-09-06T09:38:00.001-07:00

This morning at 11.45 I heard that Erico had died at 11.30 a.m. IST. He is now free, and Alan Wagner related his experience as they left Meherabad, of his dear friend coming to tell him so and to ask him to look after Heather. This story is beautifully touching, but it is Alan's story and he's the best person to tell it.

I have since had calls from Himanshu and text messages from his wife Bhavna. They know Heather and Erico very well, and also a lot of the residents. Both have said the same thing. We live as if we are going to live forever and this has got to stop. I agree. We forget to tell those we love and care about how much we love them. We stay away from our friends and dear ones, getting caught up in activities that have little or no real meaning and which do nothing to enhance our happiness. We have many incarnations before we are God-Realized, but we only have the experience of this life right now. Baba always told us to live in the present, and we need to mark Erico's departure with a promise to ourselves to do just that.

Don't waste time. Don't hurt those who love you, don't forget to keep them close and tell them you love them. Do take time to call or write to someone you have not heard from in a while, perhaps they need your love and contact. Do hug your family and friends and let your embrace convey how much you care. Baba's embrace was like coming home. When He gave me a hug I felt as if it was my birthday - the same sense of celebration. When Eruch gave you a hug you knew you were well and truly hugged!! He was a great hug-therapist. Please hug someone really hard and say a quiet prayer, Erico is happy now, but we need a lot of help to get through losing him. Happy trails brother, you were and are loved and will be so, so missed. Jai Baba.

Why bad things happen to good people.

2009-09-01T05:24:00.000-07:00

The last week has been a really tense and sad one for the whole Baba community world-wide, because of the tragic attack on Erico and Heather in their own home, while they slept. They are still in hospital, Erico in the ICU, and it is heart-breaking that this has happened to two really lovely people. It is also heart-warming to see the flood of love and prayers that are being directed towards them to help in their recovery.

My aunt Dhun had muscular dystrophy. She once said to me, when I asked her why Baba let her become totally disabled (I was a teenager then, and angry at what I saw as injustice) and she told me that Beloved Baba acknowledged her suffering Himself. One day, Dhun said, Baba told her, "Dhun, I could make you walk. I often wonder if I should do this. Then I tell Myself 'No'. You suffer this lifetime and it will cut the sanskaric burdens of seven." He also said often to the family that only those whom He loves are allowed to share His universal suffering.

Dhun's father (my grandpa or Papaji as we called him,) Homi was one such. Homi worked very hard as an engine driver on the Indian Railways under the British. His wife died very shortly after my mother Roshan was born. Left with 3 physically handicapped children and one young toddler, he had to rely on his and his wife's family to help bring up his children. He was a conscientious provider, and managed to save a very respectable amount in a financial company based in Lahore. However, when partition came in 1947, his money was stuck in what was now Pakistan, and he and his family were in India. He lost everything.

Homi never complained, he was always smiling. He would tell Baba jokes sometimes, or narrate an item of news he had read and his take on it. Baba loved listening to him. One day in the mandali hall in Guruprasad Baba asked him, "Homi, I have taken everything from you - your wife, your children's health, your money, your home even. Yet you have never complained either aloud on in your heart. Why not?" Smiling as ever, Homi told Baba, "What have You taken? It was all Yours anyway, so why should I complain or feel that You have made me suffer?" At this reply Baba smiled and said, "Homi, today I have lost and you have won!"

Perhaps Erico and Heather are also loved the most, they are sharing in His universal suffering. I dedicate this post to my dear friends and salute their love for Baba. If it is His Will, they will recover, fully. If not, whatever suffering they go through is also His Will, and His Will will be done. Loving Jai Baba to all.

Ajmer - where Baba Himself bowed down.

2009-08-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

My sister Dolly and I took a trip to Jaipur and from there to Ajmer, to visit the shrine of Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti - Garibnawaz to his millions of followers. It was Ramadan so the shrine was not crowded, and we got to spend time there.

Before we left Meherwan reminded us to bow down to Khwajaji on everyone's behalf, including Beloved Baba's. When I asked him why Baba's behalf too, he said that Baba went to Ajmer several times and bowed down to this Perfect Master. We had a long (comparatively speaking) time at the inner shrine, and I offered prayers for everyone, especially for our Erico and Heather, who remain critical.

The energy there is so powerful that tears came unbidden and I honestly could not think of a single thing to ask for myself. I prayed for my family and my friends, for Gary who is going through a very difficult time, but though the Khadim (one of the Shrine's care-takers, believed to be descended from the Khwaja's family) kept saying 'Ask for anything - business, love, health - He will hear your prayers' I just could not think of anything. Instead, I felt a great sense of gratitude that I was able to be there once more, and to breathe the truly spiritual essence surrounding the place. We threw handfuls of fragrant roses over the tomb, and went around it once, before leaving very reluctantly.

Outside there were Quawali performances at each door. These are, we were told, on-going between the 5 daily prayers (namaz) during Ramadan. We left Ajmer feeling at peace, and with a sincere desire to return again. I now know why Meherwan asked us to bow down on the Avatar's behalf too. Baba always said that He bowed down to the love of His Lover, and here is one of the greatest Lovers of all time. Jai Baba!

Khwaja Sharif of Ajmer - Garibnawaz

2009-08-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my sister and I leave for Jaipur, and from there we'll take a day trip to Ajmer to pay our respects to Moinuddin Chisti, affectionately known as Khwaja Sharif or Ajmer Sharif or Garibnawaz. He was a perfect master, Baba said. He was also the initiator of the quawalli form of Sufi music made so popular by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.

Baba visited Ajmer and the shrine of Ajmer Sharif more than once. We too will go and say hello. If we are lucky, we'll be able to stay late enough to hear a quawalli performance. I've been 3 times before, but this is Dolly's first time. She's very excited.

We may even manage a trip up into the hills to Pushkar, the holy place of pilgrimage for Hindus and the site of one of only 3 temples dedicated to Brahma the Creator. Pushkar is a town of temples, it has 1008 temples in a small area, and the Pushkar lake. It is said that when Brahma was carrying the elixir of life to Swarg (paradise) three drops spilled onto the earth. One fell into the Ganges, one into the Godavari river near Nasik and the third drop fell into Pushkar lake. Thus, while bathing in the two rivers will cleanse all sins, it is enough to only look at the lake at Pushkar to have the same result!!

I, however, took a totally unplanned dip into the holy waters the last time I was there, and was immersed over my head. This was a result of wanting to cool my feet on a hot and sunny day, slipping on some green algae and sliding into the lake. I came out very cleansed. Unfortunately, since then I've probably accumulated a lot more sins, so perhaps another dip is called for. If we make it there, that is. Baba went to Pushkar too. Its lovely to know that we are in places where the Avatar of the Age walked too.

Prayers

2009-08-14T01:58:00.000-07:00

I used to say the prayers in front of Beloved Baba as a child. The very first time He asked me to recite the prayers to Him I was around 2. I didn't know the prayers by-heart, but Baba said that I should recite what I know. So I did, badly, in return for a handful of mango sweets! These were mine, and I refused to share them with anyone (even God could not make me generous, remember), putting them in a paper bag and then keeping them in front of the picture of Baba where He said He was physically present (this is now in Manu Jessawalla's room in Meherazad), so I could eat them one by one.

The next morning, all the sweets were gone. Our servant Kesar who had a tendency to steal stuff had eaten them all, only the papers were left. I didn't even get to eat a single one. However, that night I dreamed of Baba and He made me recite the prayers - or so I recall. Whatever, I knew them off absolutely correctly and since that time He often made me say the prayers in front of Him. At the opening of the Poona Baba Centre I was asked to say the prayers to the whole gathering, and I did. Praying in front of the Avatar is a great experience. As a child I would feel totally suffused with a kind of freshness, as if a cool and soothing breeze was surrounding me as I prayed. It is a sensory memory. (I still felt that it was not quite as impressive as dressing up and dancing for Him, like the other girl used to do - see my post on jealousy!)

When I returned to Meherabad on 8th August, I went up to evening Arti and closed my eyes and started the prayers. To my great surprize I was transported back to my childhood, I could see Baba in His chair in Guruprasad Mandali Hall, and as I prayed the same cool and soothing breeze again played around me. I went through my prayers in His presence, and this was His welcome gift to me. There was no other thought, no distraction. All that I felt was Baba accepting my prayers. Maybe He did this to give me strength and acceptance for what was waiting for me when I got back to Pune, and I know that the problems I have had to face since are so much less because He showed me what is real and what is illusion. He alone is real, all else is illusion. Illusion hurts, though.

Leaving.

2009-07-24T02:28:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of moving back to India after many years in England. It's a semi-sweet time, packing up a life and getting ready to start a new one, right back where I started from. Baba brought me here and now He is taking me back home.

It reminds me of the story of how he got the Jessawalla family to move to join Him. They had a lovely home that Papa Jessawalla took much pride in, a great life and everything that He had given them. Then He decided to take it all away. He gave them a very tight deadline and told them they would have to sell and get rid of everything before coming to Him. The house was sold at a ridiculous price to a Parsi couple who took advantage of the need for a quick sale and got it at a throw-away price, along with many of the contents.

Baba takes us through regular cleanses - we are made to give up all the stuff we have collected, hoarded and got attached to - then start over again. He teaches us detachment in the simplest way, by making it impossible to hang on to stuff. I gave away my fish, which was a wrench. These fish came with the house when I bought it in 2005, had babies while I was away in Spain, and I had watched the babies grow from tiddlers to adult fish in their own right. We put them into a pond in Hartest, where after a bit of confusion they swam away quite happily. They certainly were not attached to me!!

There is not much I am sad to leave behind. The only sadness comes from leaving friends behind. But they will stay in touch and I'll be back to visit. Life will go on. I will be back and see more of my family and friends in Meherabad and Meherazad, spend time with Meherwan and Manu Jessawalla, look after them and my parents when they need looking after. But Baba is with me here and will be with me wherever I am. I take Him and His love with me. That is the best thing of all to carry with you wherever you go.

Selfless Service - an idiot's guide to:

2009-07-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today's post is very short. I said I don't do selfless service, and this is very true. But if I did, this is how I would define it:

"Them as can do, has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices." Granny Aching's comment to her grand-daughter in 'The Wee Free Men' by Terry Pratchett.

I know Baba speaks to us through many things, and inspiration is around us, everywhere. Sometimes I even manage to open my eyes and see it! If you are reading this, say a small word to Baba for Terry who is now suffering from Alzheimers. His books have brought me so much joy and he has such a quirky and fun mind, it is sad that this disease will slowly take it all away.

God in our own image.

2009-06-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

"He who knows everything displaces nothing. To each one I appear to be what he thinks I am". Meher Baba.

I have had Lol Benbow staying and working on the re-wiring of my house before I let it out and go to India. We often discuss our lives with Baba in between his work of wiring and mine of sorting and packing. We were talking about how different people interact with Baba. Lol kept talking about someone not 'falling into line' with Baba's teaching. I was trying to understand how anyone could 'fall into line'. What did this mean, exactly?

There is no right or wrong way to be with Baba, in my opinion. We all make God in our own image. My Baba is like me, shares my sense of humour and is able to argue with me because He is mine. As long as He and I are 'We' and not 'One' this will happen. I used to find it really hard to identify with Baba as presented by my ex-husband. His Baba was judgemental, critical and punishing. It does not mean he loved Baba less. We just loved different Babas.

When God made us 'in His image', He probably didn't count on the infinite variations of Him we'd bring into being!! Hindus have the concept of 'Ishta Devta' or 'Preferred Diety'. They pick one out of the pantheon of Gods and Godesses that populate the Hindu Divinity (each being a manifestation of one aspect of the Divine, who is 'One') that matches their nature or need, to worship. But don't we do the same thing? He is all things to all people. Next time someone tries to push their Baba, remember to love Him as the One in all, and accept that they made Him in their own image.

It's the fish that is important, not the hook.

2009-06-19T03:28:00.000-07:00

There was a time when there were many individuals who arrived at Meherabad through a man called David Cousins. He would send his followers to Meherabad to be with Meher Baba. They were lovely people, but they were followers of David Cousins. They were at Meherabad to get a spiritual push, so we were told.

A while after they started coming David Cousins visited Meherabad. He went to Meherazad as part of his visit, but though Eruch was speaking in Mandali Hall, he and his group walked around the periphery of Meherazad and went up Seclusion Hill, then came down, went to Baba's room and left.

Eruch was asked about this, also people coming to Baba through Nan Umrigar (author of Sounds of Silence and an automatic writer, whose son Carl died in a riding accident, and who introduced her to Baba through the medium of automatic writing), and asked if their spiritual progress was in any impeded by the 'occult' introduction to Him.

Eruch laughed and asked, is anyone here a fisherman? Several of the westerners said that they fished as a hobby. Eruch said, "Do you use the same hook and bait for all types of fish?" They replied that they would use different hooks and lures for different fish. Eruch then explained that Baba was the Divine Fisherman, fishing for our souls. Because we are all different, one hook does not catch all. Baba uses whichever hook he needs to catch a particular fish. Once the fish is caught, the hook has served it's purpose and is no longer relevant. With Baba, Eruch explained, it's the fish that is important, not the hook. All He wants to do is catch us, His fish. Do any of you remember Janet Luck singing 'Divine Fisherman'? Writing this reminded me of Janet, whom I loved dearly - she was one of my many sisters in Baba. If I close my eyes and open my inner ears, I can hear her lovely voice singing, 'There once was a grand Fisherman, a-sailing on the sea. He caught a million fish in His net and then He set them free.' Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai.

Old fashioned roses.

2009-06-07T03:47:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, when my sister Dolly visited me for the first time in 20 years we went to the local garden centre and bought an old fashioned rose. In India these roses are called 'Gauthi Gulab' i.e. 'Native Roses'. The tag on the plant called mine 'Persian Rose'. Whatever the name, they were Baba's favourite. He loved the scent and the colour, which matched His favourite pink coat. This story is posted in the same colour. After two years of not too much action, this year the rose bush is covered with fragrant, pink blossoms. It brought to mind the time when Beloved Baba dropped His body.

There was some concern about getting enough flowers to lay over His form as it rested in the crypt at Meherabad. But suddenly, all the flower farms in and around Ahmednagar overflowed with these roses. There was no shortage of the fragrant blooms to cover His body. It was as if the rose bushes knew that this was their opportunity to be of service to the Highest of the High, and made an all-out effort to do just that.

For seven days the flowers came in by the bagfuls, and were offered as blooms, garlands, jalis (a woven 'sheet' of roses) in the Tomb. In those days there were meditation cabins alongside the Tomb, where now the graves of Mani and the other women are. The cabins were crammed with the flowers and we used to take the roses as they came off Baba's body and preserve them. We took them home and made 'gulkand', which is a kind of rose preserve, and we ate this for years after - His final Prasad. Mansari too made gulkand which she would dole out from time to time. Others dried the flowers, and kept them as family treasures. After His body was interred the flowers stopped blossoming as suddenly as they had begun.

Meher Baba did not perform miracles. Miracles happened around Him. The roses were nature's way of paying a final homage to His physical form, and what a beautiful tribute it was!!!

Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai.

Where 2 or more gather...

2009-05-17T04:31:00.000-07:00

Baba meetings have not been one of my 'things'. I find these are usually forums for individuals to vent, ventilate, perform or fade into the background. However, I usually meet one or two people I love to meet, we catch up as much as we can and talk about our favourite subject - Meher Baba. We may also share a bit of gossip or discuss something in the news, but that is incidental.

Where 2 or more people gather in Baba's name, we have a centre. Not a physical centre, a spiritual and emotional centre. The discussion becomes real, we talk about Baba in 'real time', i.e. what is He working on with each of us in our day to day lives. We may find out about one of our Baba family who is suffering, or someone who has something to celebrate - but He is behind it all. We have a real relationship with God, and this makes us have more real relationships with each other.

In contrast, Baba 'meetings' seem me to have become more and more formal. More about a relationship with an organization or edifice and less about the reason behind it all. Reminds me of a guy I knew. He was Jewish, an elder of the synagogue, sat on the board and volunteered for all sorts of events to do with his synagogue. Very Jewish in practice, he would not eat meat that he had not brought over himself - vegetarian if eating out - observed all the holidays and the rituals, etc. I was talking about Meher Baba to him, and out of curiousity asked him what his relationship with God was. He had to really think about this question, and finally after a long pause, said, 'I don't have one.' All that effort to build a relationship with an edifice, but none at all with the reason for that edifice existing in the first place!!! What a waste! I have no relationship with edifices. Not centres, not buildings. I do have a very good relationship with God, however. We understand each other, talk frequently, quarrel sometimes, but always come back to each other with deep feelings of love and belonging. I know that God and I are not 'we' but 'one', though I am not realized, so cannot claim experience of this. But for the moment, 'we' is fine.

So, I am going to work at gathering 2 or more in Baba's name, with no other agendas. And when this happens I will love and appreciate every moment I spend at such a gathering. I spent Saturday and part of Sunday with Sarah McNeill in Hove, this weekend. We talked about our Beloved for some time, and that was enough. It recharges my spiritual battery and I'll go away feeling so much better for it. Thank you Sarah, and thank You, Baba.

What do you remember most?

2009-05-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

People often ask me, 'what do you remember most about Baba's physical presence?' There are two things; His scent and the total absence of any feeling of His being silent.

I was a child and my memories are those of a child in His presence. Baba smelled totally wonderful. It wasn't a man-made perfume-like scent. This was an emanation (I am grown up now and I know bigger words!), a sensation more than a scent. You were aware of it as soon as you were in the same room, and when you got a hug - aaah..you were drenched in this. I still don't know enough words to describe it, though. A mix of the scent of earth when rain falls, roses, tuberoses, sandalwood, person, God..pure magic.

Our silent Beloved was not quite that silent, really! Even though there was probably Eruch or Mani interpreting His gestures in the background, I always found that when directly addressed by Baba, I did not have to wait until I heard the interpretation to understand. It was as if He spoke directly to my brain (or more likely, my heart) and I knew what He was gesturing.

A small story about my sister. Once in Guruprasad, Baba was sitting on the sofa-chair in the dining room space, and the sahavasees were sitting in front of Him, women on the left, men on the right. Dolly was a baby, just started crawling about and pulling herself up to stand and wobble. So what does she do? She crawls to Baba's side, pulls herself up by holding His Sadra, and looks up at Him. I can still see this as clearly as if it were happening right now. My sister and I both could talk much sooner than we walked, and this little tot says to the Avatar, 'Baba I love You, do You love me?' Such an 'awwwww' moment, isn't it?

Wonderful Brothers.

2009-05-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

This is the second clip of Meherwan Jessawalla talking about 'Infinite Intelligence'. I love browsing YouTube, there are so many wonderful clips of the Mandali and family.

And one of Eruch Jessawalla, Amartithi 1997. I know it says 1977 on the title, but it was 1997. I recognize myself (quick walk-on in background) - and I certainly wasn't 18 at that time! Also, Eruch does say somewhere about it being the 28th Amartithi. We were talking about Eruch a lot during our visit to Spain, because Miriam, Pedro and other Baba lovers all knew him and loved him too. Eruch's unassuming nature and his love and humility are so evident in this clip. 'I am Eruch, the slave of the Lord.' Befitting the fortunate slave! How I miss my uncle. And how great to find such a very evocative video clip of him to share. Jai Meher Baba!

Remember to say ´´Thank you.´´

2009-05-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

Gary and I have been in Spain for the last few days, staying with Miriam and Pedro in Estepona. It is lovely to stay with a Baba family, to be able to wake up and see His pictures in all the rooms, talk about Baba and just enjoy being with people who know and love Him.

Each morning I feel so thankful to be in this beautiful place, surrounded by the mountains, with the sun and clear skies, all the lovely animals and birds, good company and good food and wine, the opportunity to relax and recover.

Giving thanks has become a very important thing for me personally. I was given a book, ´Attitudes of Gratitude´, and was really moved to remember to be grateful. However, the thing that most impressed me to remember to give thanks is the example of Eruch´s last day with us. On the night of 30th August he made it a point, even more than he did each night, of going around saying thank you to each of us. To our maid Kesar, who had been with the family since before I was born, and who cleaned his potty regularly, he not only said thank you but he also asked her to forgive him for all the trouble he had caused her. He thanked his brother and sister for their love and care, thanked me for preparing food that he enjoyed eating... everyone who had done anything for him was thanked. He then went to sleep and after a brief crisis, passed into his Beloved Baba´s embrace. The whole story of his last day with us is a beautiful account of the ending of an exceptional life, but I´ll tell it another time.

I didn´t used to say thank you enough or often. I took people and their love and kindness for granted, and even as my due. Arrogance - but I was that way, and it took me a while to realize that I often hurt and upset people by being like that. Also, sheer carelessness. Eruch was Baba´s own personal companion and his attendant. He could have made much of this position in life, but he never did. Instead, he was always ready with words of appreciation and thanks. His example, more than anything else, reminds me to say ´thank you´ to my family and friends, my colleagues and the people I meet in my day to day life. Most important, it reminds me to say ´thank you´ to the greatest giver of them all, Meher Baba! Thank You, Baba.

Superficial Ceremonies

2009-04-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of Baba's message to me on the day I had my Navjote ceremony yesterday - my cousins' 4 kids had theirs done all together in Nagar and I was talking to the family at the ceremony and the meal after, on the phone.

For those of you who don't know - Zoroastrian children have a Navjote ceremony around the ages of 6 to 8, where they are given the sadra and kusti (a string woven of 72 strands of handspun wool clumped in 6 groups of 12 or 12 groups of 6, I'm not quite sure) which confirms them formally as full Zoroastrians. Catholics have the first holy communion, which is similar, I think. Baba had fixed the date for mine and though I had been taught all the Zoroastrian prayers by my grandfather, Baba only wanted the 3 main prayers recited, O Parvardigar, Prayer of Repentance and Beloved God. He then gave me the sadra and kusti, a silver glass full of sweets, and a picture of Himself with this message: "Dearest Baby Mehera, May Ahuramazda, Zoroaster and Meher Baba help you to get rid of all superficial ceremonies. Meher Baba."

Well, the Navjote can be a very superficial ceremony. You learn prayers in a dead language, pray mechanically each time you go to the toilet, wake up, bathe and go to bed. The kusti keeps coming undone at awkward times, and it really has no meaning unless you know the full meaning of why you wear a sadra and kusti. After the third time it came undone at school, I took off the sadra and kusti and put them away. Why then did Beloved Baba go through performing my Navjote? And the Navjotes of other children through the years? He performed a superficial ceremony and gave each of us almost identical messages, invoking His help to get rid of them. I have often thought about this. As far as I understand, it was His participation in the ceremony that gave it meaning.

When the Avatar performs a ceremony, it cannot be superficial. The true purpose of the ceremony then is realized. The Zoroastrian credo of Manashni Gavashni Kunashni - Good thoughts, good words, good actions, is brought into play when Baba performs the Navjote. Or maybe its effect is magnified many times over. I don't know. All I do know is that I have taken to heart the getting rid of superficial ceremonies bit, and do my best to not participate in any ceremony - religious, social, financial or political - unless it is more than superficial. It has helped me to do things meaningfully, or not at all. Perhaps that is all the meaning I need. Perhaps not. I would be grateful for any insights anyone who reads this has to offer, either from personal experience or their thoughts on what it all means. Jai Meher Baba!

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

2009-04-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

The 'Don't worry, Be happy' message that Meher Baba gave us is well known. It's been the punch line of a song, the cards with His message have brought many to Him over the years, and most think of it as a feel-good quote from the Avatar.

Many years ago I was on a visit to India with my son Sheriar, then just a toddler. I was at a really unhappy stage in my life, my marriage was in the doldrums, I was really not happy and it showed. On a visit to Meherazad Mani (Baba's sister), in her loving manner, decided to have a talk with me about it. She asked me to come with her to her verandah to fetch some toys for Sheriar and the other kids to play with. Once there, her true motive for the invitation became clear, and she asked me some very pointed questions about my life, my marriage and my plans for the future.

Since I needed to talk, I told her all that was going on. After hearing me out patiently, Mani did not, as I had expected, give me a hug and say 'Baba will take care of it all, leave it to Him.' She started reminiscing about when I was a baby. She reminded me of how He was always so careful to ensure that I was happy. My parents had an order that I should never be smacked, even when provoked. He had told them, 'If you hurt her, you will be hurting Me.' Mani then went on to ask what I understood from Baba's 'Don't worry, be happy' message. When I said something trite, she turned to me very stern and serious.

This is what she said. 'Mehera, this is not just something to print on cards and Baba pictures. This is His most important order to us. If we live our lives in a way that lets us follow this order, we help Baba in His work. Remember that He wanted you to be happy. We owe it to Baba, if not to ourselves, to try to follow this order in our lives. If something or someone stands in the way of your following His order, then you must do everything in your power to get rid of that thing or person.'

If this sounds like Mani was advocating that marriage is not important, then it is not so. She was aware of how many years had gone into my trying to stay with my ex-husband. She also knew that I was concerned about how the break when it came would impact on my relationship with the Mandali. What she was making clear was that when you have done everything in your power in any given situation, and it still did not work, it was time to let go. I always knew that when it was time to let go, Baba would let me know. And He did. It was a further three years down the line, but it happened. At that time Mani's comment was, 'I am happy. I've been waiting six years for you to say this to me.'

Apart from the message Mani gave about Baba's order, what was driven home to me was how vigilant and observant she was. She had realized three years before our conversation, that I was not happy. She had not said anything to me in all this time, observing what I did and what the results were. Only when she was convinced that I had put in 110%, did she speak to me about it. Lovely Mani, how I miss her! Oh, and in case you are wondering, we did take the toys out to the kids to play with, eventually!

Monkey and other books..

2009-04-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

In the days when Baba was physically present, He used to have books read to Him by Mani. In the evenings Baba and the ladies would sit in the big house in Meherazad and Mani would read aloud to them all. I would have loved to have been there, because Mani had a repertoire of voices and expressions, and I am sure that she brought those books alive.

Once they were done reading, Baba would send the books over to Bindra House, where Meherwan would read aloud to us all in the evenings. The stories about Monkey, the Buddhist pilgrim who journeys to India to get the scriptures back to China along with the master Tripitaka, the pig spirit Pigsy, the fish spirit Sandy and the dragon spirit Horse, was one such book. We all loved the hour or so in the evening when Meherwan would read aloud. As he read, he'd translate into Gujerati because the English of Gaimai, my grandmother Banu and their older sister Gulamasi was not good enough to cope with the reading. The servants would also be there and listen with as much attention as we all did. Gulamasi always called Tripitaka 'Khikhi-khakha' which is the Gujerati equivalent of a giggler! Monkey taught us many lessons - about obediance, trusting the master, overcoming one's limitations - so many things that are so vital on the spiritual path. And it was a pleasure to hear it in story form. Those who are not familiar with Monkey, do take time to read it.

Anyway, after Baba dropped the body, and I married and moved to England, I discovered the Monkey chronicles on TV! I was pregnant, miserable (we lived in Lancashire then, and it rained and rained.. there were only 10 days of sunshine in that first year I moved here!) and Monkey brought back memories of Beloved Baba, and His unique way of letting us discover how to love Him best!

Other books that Baba sent us to read/have read aloud were Dear and Glorious Physician by Taylor Caldwell. This is a book about St Luke and his life with his Lord, Jesus. Luke never met Jesus. He learned to love Him, as many of you do, through other people's accounts and inner experiences. Beloved Baba said that this was a very good account of Luke's life. The Narnia Chronicles were also sent to us for reading. One book that was sent just for me was 'Green Eggs and Ham' by Dr Seuss. We were also sent the Mathnawi of Jalaluddin Rumi, Baba's favourite poet (after Hafiz, I guess). Those were lovely days, with Beloved Baba at the end of a letter (we wrote to Him about everything! school reports, day to day stuff, everything got reported) and He loved to hear about these mundane experiences of His close ones. Baba was a very practical Master. He ensured that we had a good mix of the very profound and spiritual and the simply fun.

After all these years, last Christmas I got given a set of the entire series of Monkey on DVD by Gary, my boyfriend. We are watching them again, together. I find it just takes me back to the time when Baba was there, and we had the book read to us by Meherwan!

I'm still at home with that sore knee. I am hoping it will heal quickly, so I can (never thought I'd say this) go back to work!!!

Jealousy..

2009-04-17T12:16:00.000-07:00

I had a very strong jealous streak as a child. I was particularly jealous of Baba giving His attention to anyone else. My 'thing' for want of a better term, was to recite the prayers in front of Baba. He often made me recite them in Mandali Hall or at the Baba Centre in Poona. I loved that because after I was done I got a hug and extra Prasad. However, to a child saying the prayers before Baba was never quite as glamourous as dancing before Him.

There was this girl, possibly the same age as I, called Alka. She would dress up in full Indian dancing regalia and dance for Baba. Whenever she was performing, I was angrily jealous. Baba, all knowing, would always make sure that I sat by His chair, and as she danced, His Hand would caress my head. It was as if He was saying, 'I know you are there, don't worry.'

He was very tolerant of the jealousy of a child. One time, after lunch at Meherazad, we were sitting around Baba in His room. As was usual, a sheet was spread on His bed and His dog Mastan called in to eat the tidbits Baba had saved for him from His own plate. I was sitting on Gaimai's (Eruch's mum's) lap. Watching Baba play with Mastan made me so cross that when I could no longer stand it, I cried and scratched my grandaunt. Baba looked over and with a smile gestured, 'Don't you want Mastan here?' On receiving an emphatic 'No' He asked for Mastan to be taken away and called me over to sit on the bed next to Him. Result, one very happy me.

As I grew older I learned to hide this jealousy, but it never went away. I always resented Him paying attention to anyone else. Having gone through my jealous phase with Baba, it seems to have been exhausted. I don't recall having any possessive feelings about anyone else since my early childhood! Maybe a mild irritation when people flock around my family and take up our family time, but that is just a normal reaction to the occasional insensitivity of visitors to Meherazad and Meherabad, I think!

Just a story.

2009-04-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

Enough of my thoughts, let me tell you a story.

When I was born, I tended to sleep with my fists curled up tight. Baba, who visited Bindra House regularly in tose days, and usually volunteered to look after me while my mum worked in the kitchen, used to spend a lot of time uncurling my fists and holding them open. Of course, as soon as He let go, I curled my fists up again. After a while Baba told my family that He had done His best, but even God could not make me generous.

There are many stories about how stingy (I prefer careful) I was as a child. One of my mum's favourites is this one:

Baba would often take the family to the zoo in Poona, Peshwa Park. The elephant there always stopped in front of Him and saluted Baba. On one of these occasions, the elephant stopped and saluted Baba. I was a babe in my mum's arms, possibly just over a year old. I was eating a biscuit out of a packet that my mum held for me. Baba turned to her and gestured, 'Get Mehera to give the elephant a biscuit.' My mum said, 'Mehera, Baba says give the elephant a biscuit.' At which, so they say, I broke a corner off the biscuit I was eating and offered it to the elephant. Baba saw this, smiled broadly and gestured, 'See, I told you. Even God cannot make her generous.'

He was always keen to hear about other incidents when I demonstrated that unwillingness to share. It entertained Him, and I am glad that He found a chuckle or two in my actions. But there was a result, eventually. After all, when the Avatar opens your fists, something has to be let go of. However, I am not going to tell you about that, because I said right at the start, 'Enough of my thoughts.'

Pain..

2009-04-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

I have a very sore knee. Have had it since Thursday last week when I went and stood in the cold wind for over3 hours waiting for the Queen to arrive in Bury St Edmunds.

The pain is so severe, I find myself going 'Oh Baba' a lot. I am not happy about the pain, but it does seem to make taking His name happen automatically.

Baba often said that He shared His suffering with those He loved most. Perhaps this is why. When we suffer we remember Him more. But that is surely a very limited remembrance. When I was going through the breakdown of my marriage I really suffered. I often talked to Baba, and begged Him to go love someone else so they could share His suffering, and give me a break! He did not listen right away, but slowly things fell back into place, life went on, and that suffering is a distant memory. Unfortunately, it also made remembering Him less frequent.

Because Kabir's wonderful couplets give us a better way of remembering - 'Dukh may sumiran sab kare, Sukh may kare na koy. Jo sukh may sumiran kare toe dukh kahe hoy?' which traslates into, 'Everyone remembers the Lord when they suffer, rarely does anyone remember Him when they are happy. If we remember Him in our happiness, then why would we ever become unhappy?' I decided to make it part of my 5-year plan, many years ago, to remember to be thankful. I have 'thank you' moments through the day. Today, I had so many thank you moments. My colleagues at work saw I was in pain and did small things for me through the day.. fetched my printouts, did some shopping for me in their lunch break, made me cups of tea, just came over to say they were there if I needed anything so just shout..

I was able, inspite of the pain, to have some moments when Ididn't call on Baba because I was hurting. I called on Him to say thank you for my wonderful work-mates.

We are constantly told to remember to have our 5 a day. 5 portions of fruit or veg. Maybe we also need to remember to have at least 5 a day of time taken out of our work, play, boredom or whatever to sit and talk to Baba. I am off to cook supper and talk to Him. We women can multitask!

Baba, Baba, Baba..

2009-04-13T01:57:00.000-07:00

The Companionship Day I attended last week at the Hammersmith Centre got me thinking about my present relationship with Baba. I am not, as I said on the day, a 'self-less service' kind of person. I am a staunch believer in the lazy and selfish person's guide to loving God, the universe and themselves. I don't do 'selfless service'. If I were not lazy, I would be working hard to get ahead of the game, whatever that game is. Totally pointless!

My laziness is a gift. It makes me very unterritorial and uncompetitive. It also makes me, in Eruch's words, a master delegator. I will give away anything that smacks of hard work (or even merely of work!) to someone who I know will do it better than I will. Eruch qualified this by saying that it would be really creditable if I delegated because I wanted His work to be done as best as it could be, instead I delegated because I was too lazy to do it myself. I only work at relationships. My relationships matter to me, so I work at keeping them. Not all, just the important ones.

Because my relationship with Baba is the most important one of all, I have over the years been working at it. A long time ago I understood that there is no point in asking Him for anything. He does what He wants with my life and it has always been for the best. Once I accepted that He will always give me what I need, not always what I want, it was easier to just let Him get on with it. Does not mean I don't grumble that He could get His organizational skills better organized, it just means I do what I have to, and leave the rest to Him. I throw a stick into the Dhuni and always say, 'Take what You want'. He always does.

All through my life my family have been big on remembrance. The taking of His name has been very important in our daily lives. Baba Himself told the family to remember Him at 5 o'clock and 12 o'clock each day. That is a.m and p.m. If you are awake when the clock strikes, take His name. Remembrance does not take a lot of effort, except at the beginning. Once you get into the habit, it's relatively easier. Lying in bed, between awake and asleep or between asleep and awake (depending on the time of day) I think of Him, and repeat His name. This will either put me to sleep or wake me up. I repeat His name when I walk to work and walk back. Sometimes for variety, I go through the prayers and artis. Sometimes I tell Him what's on my mind. He knows, but it makes me feel better.

Does it strike anyone else that His names through the advents are easy to repeat? Ram, Ram, Ram. Hari, Hari, Hari. Allah, Allah, Allah. Jesus H Christ! Baba, Baba, Baba. Buddha is a tad problematic. But Buddha did not want as much remembrance as action.

Once I was sitting with Eruch at the Trust Office when a man walked in. Eruch asked this man to tell me his story, because it had to do with the chanting of the Gayatri Mantra, which is one of my favourite mantras. The man said that he had been a Gayatri Bhakt (worshipper) and through constant repetition of the mantra had got to a point where he was doing 'Shvaas Jap' or repetition with each breath. This brought him various powers - he could read minds, he was able to heal, he became a wealth magnet, in fact life was very good. Then he visited a friend's house and saw a picture of Baba. He was so drawn to this picture that he asked his friend about Baba and when he was told that Baba was the Avatar of the age, he decided to change his Gayatri worship to Baba worship! Poor man! With the same dedication and focus, he started taking Baba's name all the time. One by one his powers went, his wealth went, slowly he came back to being simply himself. But he said, 'I found a joy in my heart that I never found with my Gayatri Jap. Baba has transformed my life, I no longer need the healing or mind-reading. I move through my life content. Baba gives me the strength to accept hardships with the same contentment that I have when things go well.' What a victory!

Another time maybe I will write about selfish. Selfishness is a very important attribute on the spiritual path - the one I follow, anyway. But now I have a vacuum cleaner to reassemble, the house to clean and things to do, so on with the remembrance.. Baba, Baba, Baba, Baba...

He is physically present..

2009-04-12T06:43:00.001-07:00

This picture has a story behind it. The full picture shows Baba posed in front of a studio back-drop, sitting in a wicker chair. It is a full-length picture showing Him from head to feet clad in His much-repaired chappals.

Eruch's mother Gaimai had a print of the original picture in her home at Nagpur. Dr C D Deshmukh, who also lived in Nagpur and had recently come to Baba, came on a visit and asked her for a picture of Baba. He picked this one, I believe, from the many pictures she had hanging on her walls. Gaimai, ever generous, gave him the picture.

She then had a dream in which Beloved Baba came to her and asked her why she had sent Him from her home. She woke very agitated and upset, not knowing what she had done. When Baba visited her, He asked specifically where that picture had gone and when told that C D Deshmukh had asked for it, told Gaimai to get the picture back. She immediately obeyed Baba and got it back. The meaning of her dream, therefore, became clear.

The picture was placed in their home in Poona, Bindra House. Baba prayed in front of this picture and told the family that He was physically present in this picture (the one they had, not all prints of it) and that when they prayed in front of it, they were praying to His physical form.

The picture is much-treasured, and hangs in Manu's room at Meherazad. If you are in Meherazad and ask Manu to show it to you, she will. The print was damaged by water when Bindra House was pulled down, but was lovingly restored by an American Baba lover whose name I have forgotten.

The photographer who took the picture was from Ahmednagar, and we had another print of this at the family home in 'Nagar, Akbar Press (also now demolished and gone). His son recognised his father's work and told my mum Roshan Kerawalla that he had the original print, which he could find and give her, if she wished. My mum immediately asked him for it, and the original print now hangs upstairs in the house at Meherabad, Huma House. But none is so special as the one He missed and got back, and in which He promised us that He would be physically present!

Infinite Intelligence

2009-03-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

The video clip is Meherwan Jessawalla, my uncle and Eruch's younger brother, talking about Infinite Intelligence. The manuscript's history is already well-documented. However, I would like to share a bit about the editing and the time and effort Meherwan put into this project.

When we found the manuscript, Eruch was still alive and so was Aloba and Bal Natu. A start was made on the transcribing of the document, with all of us who could type being volunteered into the job! I remember Meherwan asking me several times a day, how much have you done? There were also the bits in Gujarati or Hindi that would need translating. Meherwan stayed up late into the night working on it. He already had a lot of routine work to do in Meherazad, but he made time for this. His health suffered, he had stress-related symptoms, was very tired every day, but he did not falter.

Meherwan is an exceptional man. When Beloved Baba was asked what a saint looks like He pointed to Meherwan who happened to be there, and said 'A saint looks like that.'. He (along with Eruch and Manu and Gaimai - their mother) share the rare trait of being very disconnected with their egos. Detachment is just part of it. They genuinely don't realize what exceptional beings they are. Being with them has brought home to me what the art of surrendering totally to His Will truly means. Not that I have too much success at this, but it means I try! Anyone who has met them knows exactly what I mean. Eruch used to talk about 'Congenital Felicity'. This is a Sufi term for being born into a family that has a deep connection with the Avatar of the Age, the Rasool. It apparently takes millions of lifetimes (maybe I exaggerate the numbers or maybe I am being conservative) to be born in such a family. I am so glad that in this advent Meher Baba gave me such a family. Thank You Baba, for Congenital Felicity!!