Friday, 17 April 2009

Jealousy..

I had a very strong jealous streak as a child. I was particularly jealous of Baba giving His attention to anyone else. My 'thing' for want of a better term, was to recite the prayers in front of Baba. He often made me recite them in Mandali Hall or at the Baba Centre in Poona. I loved that because after I was done I got a hug and extra Prasad. However, to a child saying the prayers before Baba was never quite as glamourous as dancing before Him.

There was this girl, possibly the same age as I, called Alka. She would dress up in full Indian dancing regalia and dance for Baba. Whenever she was performing, I was angrily jealous. Baba, all knowing, would always make sure that I sat by His chair, and as she danced, His Hand would caress my head. It was as if He was saying, 'I know you are there, don't worry.'

He was very tolerant of the jealousy of a child. One time, after lunch at Meherazad, we were sitting around Baba in His room. As was usual, a sheet was spread on His bed and His dog Mastan called in to eat the tidbits Baba had saved for him from His own plate. I was sitting on Gaimai's (Eruch's mum's) lap. Watching Baba play with Mastan made me so cross that when I could no longer stand it, I cried and scratched my grandaunt. Baba looked over and with a smile gestured, 'Don't you want Mastan here?' On receiving an emphatic 'No' He asked for Mastan to be taken away and called me over to sit on the bed next to Him. Result, one very happy me.

As I grew older I learned to hide this jealousy, but it never went away. I always resented Him paying attention to anyone else. Having gone through my jealous phase with Baba, it seems to have been exhausted. I don't recall having any possessive feelings about anyone else since my early childhood! Maybe a mild irritation when people flock around my family and take up our family time, but that is just a normal reaction to the occasional insensitivity of visitors to Meherazad and Meherabad, I think!

3 comments:

  1. Perhaps Baba even encourages such jealousy or competition as a way of drawing us closer. Later, when we are fully hooked, he would expect us to give it up, I imagine.

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  2. Maybe, but I've found that with Him there are no expectations. If you give it up, good. If not, He still loves you just as much. That's what makes being with Baba so wonderful. He loves us regardless. But He did encourage jealousy, competition, conflict..for entertainment. He loved seeing His close ones have a good old argy bargy. Made Him chuckle. :)

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  3. Jai Baba to You. Nice reading it. I could feel a childs heart and Baba's love through it. Thank You and Jai Baba once Again
    Love
    Dr. Chandrajiit Singh

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