Giving only a little bit.

If you go back to my post of 15 April 2009, you will read the story of how when Baba asked me to give the elephant a biscuit out of my pack of biscuits, I gave the elephant just a small bit of the one I held in my hand. I was thinking about giving - to Baba, to our families and friends, to people we meet in the course of our lives.

I think that like that child I was then, we only give a little bit. Do I give Baba my full attention at Arti? No. Do I give everything that I do and say each day, whole-heartedly and with full surrender? No. I have been trying to say my prayers with total focus. If I have a thought interrupting them I start again. How many times have I started over and over? Countless. But I find that it helps me to re-focus on Him. And that can only be a good thing. There have been occasions in my life when I have fully surrendered the events and the outcome to Him, and at those times I have found what He gives back when you can do this. He takes over and my problem becomes His. I may not like what He makes happen, but ultimately I find that this was the only and best outcome for me.

I also find I only give pieces to my family and friends, not the whole biscuit, let alone the whole packet! When my parents get repetitive I switch off, I don't pay attention and often I just don't try. I love them both dearly but I don't show this enough. With my son, whom I love very much, I often forget to check on him to see how he is. Of course, he is grown up and a very independant young man. But there are times when I go for weeks without contacting him. I could say, he should contact me, but where is my effort? When a friend needs me to be there, I often have other plans and put my friend on hold, when I should be putting my plans on hold. Coming back to India has made me think over my life and how I am living it. Giving materially is so easy. You have more than you can use, you don't miss what you give. Giving emotionally is a lot harder. Perhaps it is time to give the whole biscuit, not just a corner of it. After all, it's more blessed to give than to receive, right? Love and Jai Baba.